My day

Today was a pretty laid back day for the most part. Not really much to do. I took the girls out to the pool for a while. It was fun. We had the whole thing to ourselves. I wasn't mad at that. Little man didn't get in, he just watched from the side lines with his daddy. Sariah and Kamille are doing so well in the pool. They took off their life vests to show me that they are able to swim without them. My girls are growing up so fast. I feel like just yesterday they were being born. These are the moments that you have to hold onto, because before you know it they are going to be off to college and out of your house.

After spending time in the pool, we got cleaned up and headed out to do some grocery shopping. We spent about an hour or so getting food for the week and standing in line for what always seems like a life time at food 4 less. I am not sure why they cant hire people that know what they are doing. It so frustrates me. Now for the fun part putting everything away. I have to be honest downsizing so that we can save money to buy our house can make a girl go crazy.

Anyways, after doing so I noticed that I didn't have anymore trash bags. Well wait I did have one and I was holding onto it with my life. Okay just kidding. Seriously though. I really didn't want to leave, but my big girl Sariah said that she would go with me. So out again we went. Heading to our favorite store "Target". Well one of them anyways. On the way Sariah wanted to listen to music. Can anyone guess what we put in and turned all the way up?????

If you guessed Tamar then ding, ding, ding you won a trip to "getcha life"... and honey boo me and Riri got ours. I am almost sure everyone next to us and or driving past thought we were crazy. We didn't care because we were enjoying ourselves and having fun. This is what I live for. Seeing my kids happy and all from the little things in life.

I came home to find that my little man was already for bed, so it was mommy time. I put him to sleep pretty much every night. One thing that I just started doing, is reading him his own books at night because I notice that he actually enjoys it. Trust me I get he is only 4 months (in 6 more mins. as I am writing this) but you should see his eyes glow and get big, his feet start to move and he laughs. I am so in love. After reading him 3 books off my favorites list, I held him close and told him "Mommy loves you". I looked down to see that he had already fell fast asleep. In my arms he was safe and warm.

I got the girls ready for bed, then we cleaned their room. Now book time for them. Tonight it was a "Junie B" Book, which they love. Something about chapter books make them feel like big girls. So cute. Now it is time for me and my honeys guilty pleasure "love and hip hop". Nighty night. Until tomorrow.

"BOOM"!!!

Have you ever wondered "where would I be if I didn't have my kids"? I know it is something that

always ran across my mind. Growing up and hanging out with the wrong type of people always had me second guessing everything that ever happened to me. I never knew if the decisions that I was making were the right ones. I still can vividly remember one night hanging out with some friends. I was so stupid to have got in the car because the driver was going off crazy because he had been drinking, but I didn't want to be left alone. So I got in and we drove maybe 10 minutes away  (which is far when the driver is irate and drunk). He wanted to shoot someone. I for the life of me don't know why, but the fact I was there had me terrified. When we got to are location we all exited the car. My friends were telling the driver put your gun away. You aren't going to shoot anyone. Just put it on safety and lets go.  At first he was against putting the gun away trying to pick a fight with the people around the neighborhood. Now if your from the East side of Long Beach you know fighting and guns are the norm. Sad but true.

At this point we are about to walk in an apartment complex so they told him again "put the gun on safety". As he pulled the gun out all we heard was "BOOM", next thing I knew my forehead was bleeding and I didn't know why. I knew hadn't been shot, but still I didn't understand why I had blood dripping down my face. When we got in the apartment, my ears were still ringing, almost deafening. I had a cut from the bullets shell, it literally ricocheted off of my forehead. It was scary but thank the Lord above it wasn't the bullet. Still doesn't make it any better though. That was the moment I woke up and realized this is not the life for me.

Only a short year later did I find out that I was pregnant with my first (my Angel in heaven). I was young but still I felt like maybe now my life would have purpose. I was excited to be becoming a  mother. Just as soon as I found out I felt like it had been ripped from me. The hardest thing to experience. I went on working and still spending quality time with my honey. I knew he was the man that I wanted to marry. Some may think "you were too young to know what you wanted", but child let me tell, "when you know you know".

5 months later I learned that God had given me another chance to be a mom. I was pregnant with Sariah. I cant lie and say that I was 100% excited because I was scared to death the whole time even up till the day of delivery. I had heard so  many stories about people giving birth and the baby dies. I was horrified. Sep. 08, 2008 was the best day I had ever had. Even though I was in labor for 40 hours I still was excited. It wasn't till a few days later that I would understand the true meaning of being a parent.

Sariah had to go to the hospital for her jaundice and because she was gagging so much when she would sleep. My baby ended up being in the hospital for a week straight, and I never once left her side. That is what being a parent is about. Giving up the things you want for someone else. Protecting and providing that little being with everything in you. I finally knew what I was meant to do. Be some ones mother. I finally felt like my life was complete. I didn't know that only 5 months later I would be pregnant with Kamille. Double the blessing. It was hard I cant lie, but oh so rewarding. Kamille ended up in the hospital as well for jaundice. I didn't leave her side either, even though I had Sariah at home I had to be there with the newborn. Luckily she was only there for 2 days.

I went to school while pregnant with both, but decided that I was going to stay home and put off my dreams for a while. My kids came first before anything and anyone. I can always go back to school was my thought. If anything they would be my motivation to get an education. Kids don't hold you back they push you forward. In 2011 I decided that I would go back to school so I can get my foot in the door in the medical field. I went to UEI for Medical Assistant. I told myself that if I was going to go back to school and put my girls in a daycare, I would succeed with a 4.0 GPA and I would become the mentor of my class. I believe because I had my kids that is why I was able to achieve it all. I became the mentor of the class along with a really good friend, and I graduated with a 4.0 GPA.

My life had meaning now, and I was complete because of my children. It felt good. I didn't know but in 2014 God would give me one more, my last little Logan. When I say that my life has come full circle it really has. I could have ended up with a man that would cheat, beat my ass or even be in jail. Hell or 6 feet under. I thank the Lord for my kids because they allowed me to become a better person. Now when I sacrifice the things I want I know its for a good reason. I don't just have a baby daddy, I have a husband. I don't just have my kids every other weekend. I have them everyday. This is why we decided to move and get away from the area we grew up in. Long Beach will always be the place we grew up, but it isn't home. Home is

where my kids are.

"BOOM" was my wake up call!!!

My Journey through breastfeeding

Bonding is something that is very important to me as a mother. I always heard that breastfeeding is the best way to connect one on one with the baby. As a first time mother at 19 I didn't have many around that actually breastfeed their babies. Honestly I think I only had one friend. (Hey Brit Hey)... When I gave birth to Sariah I immediately knew I was not bottle feeding her. So on her little glass bassinet it said "no formula". I thought great this hospital is in compliance with what the mother says. Here was the problem the nurse I had was a you know what. In birthing class I was told that right when the baby is born they do skin to skin. I wanted my daughter to go right to the breast, but that didn't happen. I held her for like 1 min, if that and then the nurse took her from me. Shawn had left, my mom had left. I was all alone in a unfamiliar place without my baby on my breast. I believe over an hour had past and they still hadn't brought her to my room. Now I was frustrated. I called to the nursery and demanded they being her to my room. Do you know what they said "oh, we thought you would want rest". What they hell, no I wanted my damn baby. This hospital didn't offer a lactation specialist to come to help so if you can imagine I really felt alone.

Me and my first, Sariah.

I was so afraid that because I hadn't immediately started her on the breast my body wouldn't know its time to work. Colostrum come to mama... LOL. 1 week had gone by and I believed that I was doing well in the breastfeeding department. Sariah had ended up in the hospital for jaundice, choking and gasping for air. She was there for a week. I never left her side. While she was there I met with a lactation specialist and they told me I was doing great. They only came to check babies weight and make sure that she was gaining while eating. She was. I left feeling great about a week or so of her being in there. Two weeks later I noticed that she was more fussy always seeming to want to feed. So I started pumping out to see how much I was producing. To my surprise hardly anything was coming out. I didn't read on it, I didn't have anyone to talk to so I right away gave her a formula bottle. She has been the most content since birth. I gave up because I didn't have enough.

The next time around with Kamille I said " I got this, I know what to do this time". She was born and I was so excited to put her on the breast and start bonding. Now a little side note, just because I

Kamille on my 21 birthday.

wanted to bond through breastfeeding, that is not the only way. Actually skin to skin is the best form of bonding. Trust me not everyone is meant to breastfeed and I know that. If you can great and if you cant you are still a wonderful mother in my book. Okay now back to my breastfeeding journey. After they get you all cleaned up and situated I asked for the baby to put on the breast, now the nurse said she wouldn't latch because she was just born, I thought yeah okay. I think I know better she is my baby. Kamille latched on right away. Never had any lack of supply with her. About 5 weeks in I noticed that my breast was tomato red and engorged so bad I was nearly in tears. I took the hot shower and massaged them, I applied hot compress to them nothing worked. I went in to my Ob/Gyn and found out that I had a very bad case of mastitis. I didn't know why. I fed her every two hours and pumped as well. Come to find out Kamille had thrush. So I stopped breastfeeding while taken my meds, because you could give the baby the milk with medication in it. I never stopped pumping though. Kamille's thrush was gone and so was my mastitis. I put her back on, and again the same thing happened. My OB told me to stop breastfeeding her.

I was furious I wanted to breastfeed my kids. Not because of these people that say "studies show your baby is smarter if you do", but because I truly wanted to breastfeed them. It was very hard on me emotionally to have to stop.

I found out that I was pregnant again with little Logan now you think one that had such a hard time

Logan and daddy when
he was sick in the
hospital.

breastfeeding wouldn't even attempt to try at it again. Wrong. I knew I was going to breastfeed him. I went out and bought books (my fav. womanly art of breastfeeding), and did internet research. Used up YouTube for videos. I had this. Little man was born and right to the breast he went. He stayed there for an hour to my surprise. I was so excited. He had a great latch and was around the clock at my breast. Day 3 my milk was all the way in. Little man had jaundice just like my other two. The difference was that this hospital didn't allow any breast milk to be given to the child while under the lights. I had to pump which let me tell you is not the same. To me the pump hurts and is not comforting like holding your child. My milk was doing great still. I could pump out 6 oz. out even after he fed. I was a mommy milk making machine.

Around 3 months I started to notice a dip in my milk supply. He was very uneasy and hungry. I felt so bad for him. Formula was not an option I kept telling myself. He started to become much more unhappy so I had no choice. We had moved and I continued breastfeeding him but he wouldn't latch on for long enough to get a full feeding. I was pumping more than him being on the breast. I went to my whole foods and bought some supplements for producing more milk. I came home took it, and had the worst reaction ever. My blood sugar dropped, my throat itched I was hot and tingly. Just a mess. I stopped the product (it worked thought, lol) it wasn't worth my health. I wrote the company and did research on the product. I guess fenugreek drops your blood sugar, and blessed thistle can cause allergic reactions. Wow all because I wanted to produce more milk. So I sat and pumped ever 2 hours on the hour, downed water all day long, ate oat milk and still nothing. I was not even making 3 oz. a day people. I read that malt liquor (beer) helped. So I tried, that was so nasty, and it didn't work for me just an FYI.

My journey has been hard all three times, but the fact that I tried is all that matters to me. I still am pumping each day because I plan on making his baby food. The breast milk is great to use as the liquid in the food. Also he can drink the milk still while using formula. Its not easy but I wouldn't have traded the moments with them at my breast for anything in this world. Remember everyone's journey is different.

Original Baby Carrier: Ergobaby Best Seller Review

Original Baby Carrier

Colors: Black / Camel, Black Exterior with Camel Lining/Hood

Price varies from $115- $195 Depending on the style.

When looking for a baby carrier you aren't only looking for a cute style, you are looking for safety, and comfort for you and the baby. This being my third child I knew what I wanted. I had tried the baby Bjorn (hated it). I tried a baby sling (loved it). The problem with the Bjorn was my baby looked uncomfortable and I felt uncomfortable.  The baby sling had a lot of recalls due to deaths in babies (scary as ever).

Baby insert for your Ergo carrier

Don't let the prices scare you away. Think of it as a investment. Baby wearing is something that people have been doing forever, but it seems as though the last 5 years it has started to become more of a trend. I myself am totally in love.

Now when your baby is first born you are going to want to purchase the infant insert. Don't worry it isn't expensive at all. Only $25 for it if you want just regular, $38 if you must have organic. It is well worth it if you want to baby wear right away. Which I did. With the infant insert there are two stages for weight and age. 0-2 months (7lbs) the babies feet are in like a cocoon. Once they are around 3-4 months their feet are out but, their bottoms are sitting in on the little pillow. (This is all depending on how big your baby is). I stopped using the insert with Logan at 2 months because he was getting too big.

Some will continue using the pillow that is in the insert for what they would call a transition from the insert to just the Ergo alone. I didn't because I felt the Ergo itself was very safe and comfortable for him. To each is own. You make the decision off of you and your babies comfort. I am in absolute heaven with this product, and only wish that I had this when I first became a mom.

I look for any excuse to take Logan out of his car seat so that I can wear my ergo. No lie, it is that comfortable and I feel much safer with him right on my chest. It is easy to put on and adjust to your comfort level. A big plus is that your hubby can wear the baby too. It extends around the waist and the shoulders. So it is a win win all around. You can wear your baby in the Ergo up about 45 lbs. They can be on the front, back or even on your hip.

There are some great videos on YouTube demonstrating how to use the Ergo. Check it out if you are looking for a great carrier. You wont be disappointed. Remember Safety is key as well as comfort. I also think that the Ergo look much better than any other baby carrier. Hope this helps...

Logan in the Ergo about to get his first shots.