Who knew?

I did not start this blog for money or for fame like some do. I decided to open my heart and use this

This is me!!!

as an outlet for myself to hopefully relate to someone other than myself. No one focus, just raw honest truth. Allowing myself a platform to inspire others to do what makes them happy.

Writing has always been a way of expression for me, when I feel like I cant say what I feel I just write. Most don't know this, but I have always been afraid of judgement against me. A fear of people not excepting me for ME! Even though I seem like I have it all together and could care less what people think of me, I really and truly have always cared. That is something I am constantly working on. Writing is just one of many of my loves.

When I was younger I wanted to be only one thing (a teacher) because I thought that, that was all one could do... ONE thing!!! I mean who knew that people could juggle more than one love? I sure as heck didn't. That is until I graduated from high school and went through the loss of my first pregnancy. I was not sure if my loss had me confused about the career I wanted or if indeed there was no one particular job out there for me...

For a while after my loss, I battled with career paths. A few months after my miscarriage I found out that I was expecting again. While I was scared and nervous about being pregnant once again, I knew that I wanted a career. I needed a career, after all I was expecting a blessing. So, I started college. I was going to be a teacher. While in school I noticed that I was not that satisfied with the career choice that I had chose because honestly teachers are over worked and very much underpaid.... I decided that I was going to change my career because I was unhappy with my choice. I meet with my career counselor to help me set up courses that I needed to become a crime scene investigator. I started my classes only to find myself saying "girl you cant pass the physical portion of this job" so guess what I did???????

Yep, you guessed it... ON TO THE NEXT CAREER.... I made sure that this time I was not going to waste my time but get that education I wanted so that I could have the career I have always dreamed about. I met with my career counselor again and talked about some options for me.

Now by this time I had already had my first child and was now pregnant with my second. I not only wanted a career but, felt like I needed it more than ever. I went to school during the summer and did very well, but once I had my second daughter I decided to stay home and put my career on hold.

I loved being a mommy, but hated that I felt like a complete failure. While all my other friends were at college I was at home raising babies and letting my man take care of the household financially (ladies I felt like a complete and utter mess). That was until one day a great friend of mine that went to school to become a Medical Assistant told me all about it. I instantly was in love. Who knew that in less than a year I could have a job in the Medical field and still be a mom and a wife?

My friend went with me to check out a school and helped me to get on track to start my career. I signed up for school and let me tell you I did very well. I was a mentor in my class as well as a
4.0 student with perfect attendance and honor roll. It felt great to graduate at the top of my class, but that was short lived. I put my heart in my schooling but, all the jobs out there when I graduated were not what I had expected.

Still feeling unfulfilled in my career path, I chose to go back to school. I was so excited because now I was going to go and work hard to become a Physician Assistant. Yes, honey I was going to provide a better life for my wonderful family. Until, the school I lived by didn't offer any classes for my career of choice. I would have to drive well over an hour and a half just for school. I could not do that I had two little ones under the age of 3. Again, I felt unfulfilled and defeated.

So, here I am now a mother of 3 and wanting to go back to school. I thought hey one of my favorite things in this world is cooking. I can go to culinary arts school because honey she can cook. That is until my world stopped when I found out that my favorite school on this planet wants $40,000. That is not with interest honey.... I nearly passed out and while I really was considering it, I thought to myself.... "Now Kayleigh, is this smart of you to do? How are you going to be able to pay that off? Will you be able to find a great job in this field? Will you ever have financial freedom if you take loans out like that?" This all came to my mind. So I posted on Facebook to see if anyone could give me some true insight on this school. It seems as though I had no one in my corner to help with insight even though I know people that have attended here, but that is neither here nor there (get out of your feelings girl).

I decided that I was not going to go because I don't want to put myself or leave my family in debt because I want to go this school. Then all of a sudden a light bulb came on and I finally figured out why I had to go through all of these career changes.....

Because, none of these one jobs are for me on there own. I am a teacher to my children each and everyday. From the moment they wake to the moment the go to bed. Even then I am still a teacher, because I am correcting homework and looking over at their work from the day. I am a crime scene investigator when I tackle their room (Lord help me in there, LOL) trying to figure out what the hell happened. When they are sick and not feeling well I am their Medical Assistant (Nurse Mommy to the rescue). I nurse them back to health because that is what mommies do.... Last but not least, I am my own chef. Who said that I needed to go to culinary arts school to be a chef? No one. I am chef mommy.

The reason I wanted to write this today is because I feel like someone needs to hear this (well, technically read this). Your life is not over because you have had obstacles in your way. Look at it from all angles. I promise that it will all come together in the end.

The next chapter in my book...

I am not sure if anyone actually reads these or not, but I still feel a need to share...

I started my journey a little over a month now and boy has it been rough for me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy when I started and I am not expecting it to be, but I really want to see results. I am working out hard and eating clean. Before I get into full detail let me give you a little back story to why I decided to embark on this next chapter in my life...

Since giving birth to my beautiful baby boy I have noticed a dramatic change in my body and have lost myself. I don't remember it being this hard with my first two, which are my princesses. I have tried to start working out many of times and then a week into it I become unmotivated to continue. So, I do what is easy and give up... Not very smart of me, but at least I can become transparent with you all (whoever you are)...

So, once we finally made the decision that we are staying in Nevada, I located a doctor and made an appointment. A little disclaimer (Don't wait until everything in your body is going wrong, I should have went over a year ago before I actually saw my physician, but I was scared to hear what the doctor would tell me).  I had been having chest pains for quite sometime and was always tired and out of breath, even if I was just walking up the stairs to my house. I started to always taste salt in my food (like everything, even if no salt was added to it). I would swell up even though I have always watched my salt in take (I cant even wear my whole wedding ring, I am only wearing one band). Always dizzy and very off balance. I knew things were off with myself.

I met with my doctor and explained all my concerns and he actually listened to me (I have worked for many doctors that don't). He ordered tests and sent referral's immediately. He told me that it would take a few weeks of course to get approvals but, in the mean time to go do blood work.

Although I have not been to all my appointments yet because they don't have many new appointments open right away, I did get my blood work back. I received a letter in the mail explaining that I am pre-diabetic and some instruction for me, also that I needed to follow up with my doctor as soon as possible.

I meet with him and we went over a few things that I could do to insure that I wont become a diabetic. Foods to stay away from, as well as some exercises that I never knew could help. I went to MA school (Medical Assisting) and never heard that weight training and resistant band training can help the diabetes flee. I have also changed the way that I eat. I am very consistent with watching all starches, because they are very bad for you.

So while I am still waiting on future tests for all my other issues I figured now is the time to get healthy.

A few things that I have changed:

• no fried foods
• no soda or added sugar drinks
• cutting out white rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread
• nothing greasy
• working out (at least 30 mins cardio everyday, and weight training/resistant band as well)
• WATER, WATER AND MORE WATER
• did I mention WATER!!!

There is a lot that is going into this journey but, this is just some of it. I have a beautiful family that needs me and how can I be here for them if I am not healthy? I cant. So, I would love to start an accountability group, If anyone reading this is interested please let me know, and I will do a blog about it... 

Thank you all for taking the time to read  my blogs and know that I love you all for reading... TTYL!!!

Finally, Back again!!!

I am so excited to be back!!!

That moment that you sit back and say to yourself " Why am I wasting time and not doing the things that I love?"... I started this blog because I had things to say and I wanted to be able to help other moms and or women in general. What is going on Kay?

Well, everyone if anyone even cares "I AM BACK!!!".

I have been wondering when I would get the strength to get back at it and now I feel great. It has been so long..... I guess I should catch everyone up on what has been going on...

For one I am no longer a stay at home mom anymore ( I actually do miss it) this momma is a working...LOL. My oldest is almost finished with first grade and has maintained A/B Honors all year long (proud mommy moment). My second daughter is getting anxious for kinder next year, she even asked "Do I start tomorrow?" to the lady in the office, and my baby boy is already 1 and walking around getting into everything. I tell you I don't know where the time has gone. Next thing I know they are going to be asking "Mom, can I go out with my friends?", and I will be home crying my eyes out because my home is empty...

I tell you hold onto them and enjoy every moment you have with them. They are so special and precious to me. I am truly a blessed women.

I for one am looking forward to an amazing summer. With the trials and tribulations that I have experienced in 2014/2015 thus far, I am grateful I haven't jumped of the ledge (metaphorically speaking people). Well with that being said I just summed up very briefly what has been going on in our lives and I cant wait to get back into the world of blogging. I love it very much and cant wait to poor my heart back into it....

Smiling through!!!

Temptation is all around us and sometimes it is so hard to fight through them. The one thing I am doing is pushing through all of the temptations around me. I may not pass them all and that is something that I am learning to be okay with. I cant be so hard on myself that I lose focus of the end result. If you constantly get mad at yourself, you might just give up all together.

Some people don't give themselves a break during the week (a cheat day for some). I think it is totally up to the person that you are. If you are a person who needs consistency and cant go off track for one day then don't, but if you are like me and find that you deserve one day to relax and not worry so much, then take one day to yourself.

I am enjoying this journey. I have set in my mind what it is that I am looking for. It isn't about a number for me. How much weight did I lose, but more so about how I look and feel. I want to be healthy first and then like what I see. I don't care if I am 175 or 150. If I am not liking what I see in the mirror it totally defeats my purpose in this journey.

The one thing I absolutely love about this journey, is my kids in it. I love how Sariah and Kamille participate with me in T25. It is so cute. Now they do get in my way and I have to ask them to move over, but it is amazing. We influence our children. If all they see is us eat Mc Donald's then that is what they are always going to want. If we never workout are children wont. What they see is what they become accustomed to.

With that being said, I am loving everyday and I am smiling through every workout. It is time to get it in... Why not today? Why wait for tomorrow to better  yourself and your family? Lets do this TOGETHER!!!

Thank you all. I love you for reading...

This journey

Why continue to put off getting fit? Laziness, no determination, no will power. There are so many

Fresh after my T-25 workout!!!

reasons. I am not willing to continue on this path of feeling and looking horrible. I have others that depend on me everyday. If I am not at my best how can I help them to be their best? It cant be done.

I am starting my journey starting today. 09/18/2014. Its my time to get in the best shape of my life. I am committing myself to a fitness challenge with my favorite You Tuber GabeandBabeTV. Starting today I restarted T-25 and this time I am fully committed to the program and my well being.

I don't know exactly what each day is going to bring, but I am not giving up on "ME". As a person that battles every day with anxiety and panic attacks I've learned working out helps for me. I'm not saying that it is going to be easy at all, but I do know that the only person that can stop me is me. Joining Gabe and many other strong beautiful women is definitely a  plus for me. I need an accountability group that will make sure I don't fall off.

If any of you are looking for motivation and need that extra push I recommend you checking out Gabe's journey. It has made me look at life much different. If she can get it in we all can too. She is a full time mom and full time you tuber, not to mention a full time amazing wife. We can all learn a lot from her and her beautiful family.

After Logan!!!

Today is the day, and I am excited. This is a journey not only for me, but my wonderful husband is doing it too. I am very excited for our health.  Shawn has been having a lot of high blood pressure issues and I alot of dizziness associated with stomach issues. It is time to fell better and look better.

Here it goes everyone. 1...2...3... Blast off!!! I love you all for reading.

I am being realistic in my goals. This round of T-25 I am not going to look for just numbers. I want to feel good and look good. Not based on a set number.

Starting weight:207 pds
Goal:175
Time Frame:As long as it takes. I am not giving up

Check out Gabes journey!!!
http://youtu.be/hUWwahcstXE?list=PL4zuarGuHzGJKAoo_nvv9nG1Tk2Pi1-EJ

She is growing!!!

Finally I have sometime to just sit down at my computer and put my thoughts in it. I have been so busy with Sariah starting school and adjusting to her not being her. It has been crazy, but I think that I got it all down packed now.

I cant believe how fast time has gone. My oldest is already in first grade and I so feel like I just had her. Her birthday is in less than two weeks and I don't know where the time has gone too. As I sit back and think about the moment I found out that I was pregnant with her, I remember being scared and nervous, while feeling joy and excitement. I was scared because 5 months prior I had just lost a baby. I didn't know if anything was going to happen during my pregnancy with her. Although I gained more than I would have liked to with her she was by far the easiest pregnancy.

August 25, 2014 was her first day of First grade, as we walked to school I felt those same feelings all over again (scared and nervous, while feeling joy and excitement). Weird, but so real. I look at her now and thank God for this little one. When I am not feeling well about myself (confidence) she always finds a way to let me know that she loves me and thinks that I am beautiful no matter what. How lucky am I?

My baby isn't a baby anymore, but she will always be "my baby". I am grateful for her attitude about life, school, friends and family. For only being 5 she is very smart. She notices everything around her (so i have to be careful with what i say because she totally gets it). It has its positive and negative sides to it. LOL!!!

Well She is now becoming a big girl totally not a little toddler girl. Who was I to think that she was going to stay a little innocent girl that is totally oblivious to life? Crazy. I have a smart, beautiful, talented princess on my hands.

I love you Sariah. You are already doing well in first grade. Mommy and daddy are very thankful that God decided to give you to us.

I love you for reading. Thanks again.

First grade here we come!!!

I am so excited my oldest baby girl is going to first grade. Time sure is flying by, before I know it she will be applying to colleges and wanting to leave home. I don't even want to think about that. We have been getting ready and preparing ourselves for this day.

Do you buy your kids a new backpack every year? New clothes, and shoes? It is something that I think is a must. I buy Sariah two backpacks because she is still rough,  and with just one it wouldn't work. I am teaching her how to be careful with her stuff, but it is a work in progress.

This year is special because she is going to be at a new school in a new area, and I want her to feel safe. I want her to be happy and look forward to what is in store for her. First grade is when they really take flight and start to really step into their own. I am so excited.

We have 8 days left and we are 100% ready for the day. She has clothes, shoes, school supplies and a whole lot of accessories. I was hoping that her school was going to be uniform but unfortunately it isn't. So of course you have to spend a little more on their outfits. 

I made sure to get things on sale. This year I did it a little different I allowed her to choose the items that we bought. It so exciting to see her excited about getting ready. I don't remember being into what I was wearing in first grade, but times are definitely changing.

So I am praying for her protection from the ignorance of the world. People that think negatively about life and don't want anything better for those around them. I am asking that Lord you keep your angels around her at all times and allow her to be the best her she can be. I thank you in advance for her placement and her education. First grade her we come. 

Next blog I will post everything we bought. From where as well...

I love you for reading. Talk to you tomorrow!!!

Food to make them grow!!!

"Carrots, num, num, num"!!!

So Logan did great on his apples. I decided that carrots and green beans were both next to make. Of course I wont give him both at the same time. I am so in love with how easy it is to make him his baby food. Nothing is more better than knowing what is going into your babies body.

So the carrots and green beans were just as easy as the apples. The cooking process is exactly the same, except for the length in cooking time. Every fruit and vegetable is going to be different. Some fruits you wont even have to cook. Like bananas, just warm up a little breast milk or formula and add it to your cut up bananas and there you have it. Put in your blender and puree away.

So for the carrots: (please buy organic).
Simply wash them good and cut off your ends and tips. Peel off the tough outer skin and cut into same size pieces. Remember the key is to cut small so they cook faster. The longer you have to cook, the more nutrients you lose. Add water to the pot, just enough to steam, then bring to a rapid boil. Turn
down to low.
After put carrots into your double broiler add lid, and cook for about 15-17 min. It really depends on your stove and how soft you need them to become to blend to a smooth consistency.
Once finished cooking pull off and let cool for just a second or two. Add your liquid. (now some just use the water from the cooking process, but for Logan I wanted it to be smooth and creamy. I warmed up some breast milk and used that for my liquid.

Blend till you get your liking of consistency. Pour into glass container, let cool. About 8-10 min. Stirring every now and again.
Once cooled completely down, spoon into your ice trays, plastic wrap and leave in freezer over night.
Remove and place in freezer safe bags and label.


Green beans: (please buy organic).
Wash them, and snap off the ends. Cut into small equal pieces, wash again. Add water into bottom of pot bring to a rapid boil, place your green beans into the double broiler and put lid on top. Cook for about 10-12 mins, check and see if they are fork tender, if not place lid back on for another 3-5 min. Remove once finished and let cool down.
Place your green beans in to your choice of blender and add your liquid. I used warm breast milk again because I wanted a creamy consistency for little man.
Once you've got the creamy consistency you want, pour into the glass container. Let cool for about 8-10 min. Stirring every now and again.
Once all the way cooled down, spoon into your ice trays, plastic wrap and leave in freezer over night.
Remove and place in freezer safe bags and label.

Now you have two more foods to add to your babies collection of homemade food. Logan loves his apples and now he loves his carrots. I will try his green beans next week and let you know how he likes them.

Hope your babies will enjoy.
Love you for reading.

Needing me.

As Sariah is about to enter into first grade I feel like my baby is leaving mommy. I am afraid that she

may not need me the way I want her to need me. These kids are growing up so much faster and maturing more than I can even remember when I was little. I so needed and wanted my mom in first grade. To be honest I didn't care about getting prepared for school.

Let me tell you why I feel like this. So Sariah will be starting school in about 20 days and we have been school shopping for her clothes, shoes and supplies. Well, when I was younger I cant remember even having an opinion about what my mom bought for me. I didn't really care. Lol. Times have so totally changed. My 5 year old, beautiful little girl sure has an opinion and she is not afraid to tell you if she doesn't like the things that you do.

We went to the mall and she wanted to choose everything out. She has great taste I have to say, but she doesn't understand price. Too funny. So we were able to narrow down what she wanted and got them. Choosing her shoes were so much harder, because I am very picky with the kind that she buys. Have you seen some of these shoes that are being made now? Ugh!!!

I didn't want her to buy red colored chucks because I honestly just don't like them, but I let go and let her get them. This summer her favorite color has been red, so Shawn and I let her get the color that she wanted. Even though she doesn't really own any red clothes. I was having a conversation with her and she was telling me that she needed all new clothes, shoes and she needed to have all the best supplies for school. Really? Where are they doing that?

I cant for the life of me understand what is getting into these kids. I just hope that as she goes into first grade and meets new friends that she wont forget about mommy. I am not trying to sound like I am overreacting but we only have our kids for a short amount of time and then before we know it they are all grown, and off to college. I really just want her to be my little baby forever.

Well here goes the count down till my baby goes off to school. Today is the 4th but, it is the end of the night so I am considering this to be 20 days till she is off to school.

Has anyone else felt like this?
Love you for reading. Thank you!

Building memories one day at a time.

One thing that is so very important to me is making memories with my kids. If I don't then who will? Our time here on this precious earth is not guaranteed. God forbid anything were to happen I want there to be pictures and memories built of our family.

My girls like some of the most simplest things in life. Just taking a drive down to the strip and walking through the hotels, makes them happy, as does it for me. We enjoy the beautifulness of the figuring's and gardens throughout. Also they have some of the best shopping as well.

Yesterday we decided to go walking through what I think is truly a  magnificent hotel. The Wynn. I mean the view of the waterfall, and the flower garden inside is so breathtaking. My girls kept asking to take pictures. Yep, they are definitely mine.

After which we went across the street and walked around the best mall on the strip (like one that

regular people can afford, lol). My girls were so excited to watch the fashion show that they do in the center of the mall. They said " We want to do that as well". Whatever they want they can have if they put their minds to it.

I am so in love with these moments between us. Making memories is a must and as a family it is something that I cherish and keep close to my heart. When I was younger we didn't have much money, I mean my mom raised 4 kids on her own, but what I remember the most is going to the mall with my mom and eating lunch with her. I loved getting on the bus and heading out to the Cerritos mall. It was a favorite thing of mine.

I also remember going to amusement parks as a whole family, which never has happened since I have had children. My whole family doesn't do things together usually. It is okay though because my girls will build family memories with us.

Since moving away from everyone and everything we have ever known I have been making sure to keep my girls spirits up. I don't want them to ever be sad that our family is miles away. I am glad that we have each other, and we will continue on with building special moments that we one day will look back on.

Today we are going to head out with my brother and his wonderful kids and fiancée. They are in Vegas for a few days, so let more memories be built. 

"YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

From the moment you think "I might be", to the moment you find
out "I am" "You are a mother". Even if you never heard the heart beat "You are a mother". Just because you didn't get to feel their kick "You are a mother". Even though you never will get to take them home, "You are a mother". So what you had to give them up for adoption "You are a mother". If you didn't get the chance to watch them grow because they got their angel wings earlier than expected "You are a mother". Its okay you had to play mommy and daddy. "You are a mother".

"I am looking forward to seeing the kind of person my son will be. His little personality and his little smile. I am a mother".

"I hate the teenager years, the mood swings, the "mad"itudes for no apparent reason. I am a mother".

"They are my motivation to pull through in life. I am a mother".

"I hate that because I have spoiled them rotten that when I say I don't have it, they don't understand. I am a mother".

"I love the unconditional love that each kid gives to me. I am a mother".

"I hate that I cant protect them from the pain and hurt in the world. Having to let them make their own mistakes. I am a mother".

Regardless of your situation "you are a mother". Some say that if you don't
physically have the child you are not. I say other wise. I celebrate each and everyone of you today. "You are a mother".

"I love the thoughtful things my children do/say without being asked. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to the dark thoughts I know will come at night. That I am not able to be the mommy I want to be. I am a mother".

"I love that becoming a mother exposed me to the world of holistic health care. I am a mother".

"I hate mommy wars. I am a mother".

"I love the simple joy that my daughter finds in life, like bubbles and flowers. I am a mother".

"I hate the first trimester of pregnancy. All the sickness its awful. I am a mother".

In life we have obstacles. Some that are easy and some that we really have
to work hard to overcome. Becoming pregnant is one of those obstacles. For some there mere thought of a baby gets them pregnant. That isn't the case for everyone. Some may never get to experience the joys of motherhood through the womb., but by adoption. "You are a mother".

"I love the immediate indescribable love you feel for your kids. I feel it most at night while rocking mine to sleep. I am a mother".
"I hate that I cant ever give up. It is especially hard when I have so much going on in life and I cant deal. I am a mother".

"I love seeing my child apply something that I taught. I am a mother".

"I hate that my kids are old enough to make their own decision and I have to accept them, even though I know the are making a mistake. I am a mother".

"I love that when I am down and out and thinking negative thoughts about leaving this place, just thinking about my kids saves me. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to my post-partum body. I am a mother".

Being a parent is a different experience for everyone. Sometimes we get pregnant and we don't feel like it is our time to become a mother. We aren't ready. We think about "do I keep it, get rid of it, what am I going to do"? Adoption becomes an answered pray to some family. "You are a mother".

" I love seeing her every morning and every night just smile at me. I'm finally a real mommy, and it's such a great feeling. I am a mother".

"I hate that he is so far away and there is nothing I can do about it. I never regret my decision to place him for adoption, but sometimes I wish circumstances had been different when he was born so I could have him now. I miss him so much, and there will always be something missing in my heart, but I know I gave him the world. Had I kept him, he probably wouldn't be in my custody now. I am a mother".

"I love watching my son grow. Watching him reach milestones and seeing his personality shine through. I am a mother".

"I hate I feel like I failed my daughter, because I picked a man wouldn't be my husband or a father to her. I am a mother"."

"I am looking forward to breastfeeding. I know it is going to be difficult, but I want to bond/connect and look into her eyes. I am a mother".


"I hate people questioning my parenting especially when I didn't ask for an opinion. I am a mother".

Just because things didn't play out the way you wanted you haven't failed. Sometimes life gets in the way. We do things we aren't proud of, and make choices we soon regret. "You are a mother".

"I love that we will always be a family despite our situation. I am a mother".

"I hate the anxiety that comes with motherhood. I constantly doubt myself, am I doing everything right. I am a mother".

"I love spending time with my daughter, watching her grow and blossom into the young lady she is. I am a mother".

"I hate feeling alone with our kids even though I have a husband home. I am a mother".

"I love that I am able to witness her many talents. She bring joy and
happiness to my heart. I am a mother".

"I hate my pregnancies are so hard that I never get to enjoy them. I am a mother".

     Psalms 127:3 

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

No matter how you were blessed with them, they are your gifts. Love them and cherish the moments you have together. It may get rough, you may lose sleep. But, their are women dying to have the opportunity to become a mother. Don't take it for granted.

No one may ever tell you this but only once a year, and to me that is not enough. We moms are under appreciated. From one mother to the next I will celebrate you and this wonderful thing we get to call motherhood. Lets make a difference in the world. Not judging each other but uplifting one another. I love you all and believe in you. No matter what circumstance you are in or have been in.
                                                             "YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

 

 

 

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