The next chapter in my book...

I am not sure if anyone actually reads these or not, but I still feel a need to share...

I started my journey a little over a month now and boy has it been rough for me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy when I started and I am not expecting it to be, but I really want to see results. I am working out hard and eating clean. Before I get into full detail let me give you a little back story to why I decided to embark on this next chapter in my life...

Since giving birth to my beautiful baby boy I have noticed a dramatic change in my body and have lost myself. I don't remember it being this hard with my first two, which are my princesses. I have tried to start working out many of times and then a week into it I become unmotivated to continue. So, I do what is easy and give up... Not very smart of me, but at least I can become transparent with you all (whoever you are)...

So, once we finally made the decision that we are staying in Nevada, I located a doctor and made an appointment. A little disclaimer (Don't wait until everything in your body is going wrong, I should have went over a year ago before I actually saw my physician, but I was scared to hear what the doctor would tell me).  I had been having chest pains for quite sometime and was always tired and out of breath, even if I was just walking up the stairs to my house. I started to always taste salt in my food (like everything, even if no salt was added to it). I would swell up even though I have always watched my salt in take (I cant even wear my whole wedding ring, I am only wearing one band). Always dizzy and very off balance. I knew things were off with myself.

I met with my doctor and explained all my concerns and he actually listened to me (I have worked for many doctors that don't). He ordered tests and sent referral's immediately. He told me that it would take a few weeks of course to get approvals but, in the mean time to go do blood work.

Although I have not been to all my appointments yet because they don't have many new appointments open right away, I did get my blood work back. I received a letter in the mail explaining that I am pre-diabetic and some instruction for me, also that I needed to follow up with my doctor as soon as possible.

I meet with him and we went over a few things that I could do to insure that I wont become a diabetic. Foods to stay away from, as well as some exercises that I never knew could help. I went to MA school (Medical Assisting) and never heard that weight training and resistant band training can help the diabetes flee. I have also changed the way that I eat. I am very consistent with watching all starches, because they are very bad for you.

So while I am still waiting on future tests for all my other issues I figured now is the time to get healthy.

A few things that I have changed:

• no fried foods
• no soda or added sugar drinks
• cutting out white rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread
• nothing greasy
• working out (at least 30 mins cardio everyday, and weight training/resistant band as well)
• WATER, WATER AND MORE WATER
• did I mention WATER!!!

There is a lot that is going into this journey but, this is just some of it. I have a beautiful family that needs me and how can I be here for them if I am not healthy? I cant. So, I would love to start an accountability group, If anyone reading this is interested please let me know, and I will do a blog about it... 

Thank you all for taking the time to read  my blogs and know that I love you all for reading... TTYL!!!

"YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

From the moment you think "I might be", to the moment you find
out "I am" "You are a mother". Even if you never heard the heart beat "You are a mother". Just because you didn't get to feel their kick "You are a mother". Even though you never will get to take them home, "You are a mother". So what you had to give them up for adoption "You are a mother". If you didn't get the chance to watch them grow because they got their angel wings earlier than expected "You are a mother". Its okay you had to play mommy and daddy. "You are a mother".

"I am looking forward to seeing the kind of person my son will be. His little personality and his little smile. I am a mother".

"I hate the teenager years, the mood swings, the "mad"itudes for no apparent reason. I am a mother".

"They are my motivation to pull through in life. I am a mother".

"I hate that because I have spoiled them rotten that when I say I don't have it, they don't understand. I am a mother".

"I love the unconditional love that each kid gives to me. I am a mother".

"I hate that I cant protect them from the pain and hurt in the world. Having to let them make their own mistakes. I am a mother".

Regardless of your situation "you are a mother". Some say that if you don't
physically have the child you are not. I say other wise. I celebrate each and everyone of you today. "You are a mother".

"I love the thoughtful things my children do/say without being asked. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to the dark thoughts I know will come at night. That I am not able to be the mommy I want to be. I am a mother".

"I love that becoming a mother exposed me to the world of holistic health care. I am a mother".

"I hate mommy wars. I am a mother".

"I love the simple joy that my daughter finds in life, like bubbles and flowers. I am a mother".

"I hate the first trimester of pregnancy. All the sickness its awful. I am a mother".

In life we have obstacles. Some that are easy and some that we really have
to work hard to overcome. Becoming pregnant is one of those obstacles. For some there mere thought of a baby gets them pregnant. That isn't the case for everyone. Some may never get to experience the joys of motherhood through the womb., but by adoption. "You are a mother".

"I love the immediate indescribable love you feel for your kids. I feel it most at night while rocking mine to sleep. I am a mother".
"I hate that I cant ever give up. It is especially hard when I have so much going on in life and I cant deal. I am a mother".

"I love seeing my child apply something that I taught. I am a mother".

"I hate that my kids are old enough to make their own decision and I have to accept them, even though I know the are making a mistake. I am a mother".

"I love that when I am down and out and thinking negative thoughts about leaving this place, just thinking about my kids saves me. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to my post-partum body. I am a mother".

Being a parent is a different experience for everyone. Sometimes we get pregnant and we don't feel like it is our time to become a mother. We aren't ready. We think about "do I keep it, get rid of it, what am I going to do"? Adoption becomes an answered pray to some family. "You are a mother".

" I love seeing her every morning and every night just smile at me. I'm finally a real mommy, and it's such a great feeling. I am a mother".

"I hate that he is so far away and there is nothing I can do about it. I never regret my decision to place him for adoption, but sometimes I wish circumstances had been different when he was born so I could have him now. I miss him so much, and there will always be something missing in my heart, but I know I gave him the world. Had I kept him, he probably wouldn't be in my custody now. I am a mother".

"I love watching my son grow. Watching him reach milestones and seeing his personality shine through. I am a mother".

"I hate I feel like I failed my daughter, because I picked a man wouldn't be my husband or a father to her. I am a mother"."

"I am looking forward to breastfeeding. I know it is going to be difficult, but I want to bond/connect and look into her eyes. I am a mother".


"I hate people questioning my parenting especially when I didn't ask for an opinion. I am a mother".

Just because things didn't play out the way you wanted you haven't failed. Sometimes life gets in the way. We do things we aren't proud of, and make choices we soon regret. "You are a mother".

"I love that we will always be a family despite our situation. I am a mother".

"I hate the anxiety that comes with motherhood. I constantly doubt myself, am I doing everything right. I am a mother".

"I love spending time with my daughter, watching her grow and blossom into the young lady she is. I am a mother".

"I hate feeling alone with our kids even though I have a husband home. I am a mother".

"I love that I am able to witness her many talents. She bring joy and
happiness to my heart. I am a mother".

"I hate my pregnancies are so hard that I never get to enjoy them. I am a mother".

     Psalms 127:3 

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

No matter how you were blessed with them, they are your gifts. Love them and cherish the moments you have together. It may get rough, you may lose sleep. But, their are women dying to have the opportunity to become a mother. Don't take it for granted.

No one may ever tell you this but only once a year, and to me that is not enough. We moms are under appreciated. From one mother to the next I will celebrate you and this wonderful thing we get to call motherhood. Lets make a difference in the world. Not judging each other but uplifting one another. I love you all and believe in you. No matter what circumstance you are in or have been in.
                                                             "YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

 

 

 

.

Frustrations

So now that I am settled here in Vegas, I am ready to get back in the swing of things and go back to school. The only problem that I am now having is that the colleges out here are over populated. Seriously? This has to be one of the hardest places to go to school. They have more than one campus but the one that I need has no testing openings. I am so mad right now. What can I do though?

I feel like every time I try to take a step forward for myself, I get pushed back 20 steps behind. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some, but furthering my education is very important to me. Yes I could always go to another trade school and do something else I love., but why put my "REAL" dream on hold?

Is anyone out there listening to me? Do you understand where I am coming from, or am I all alone in this? Going back to school has always been my dream, I just had to defer it for a while because I needed to put my babies first. Yes I know little man is only going to be 4 months and he is still small, but I need to get things in order so that when he turns 6 months mommy can get her life....

Its been along time coming and I am ready to go back and get my career started. I could sit here and cry because I cant get an appointment, or I can put on my big girl panties and keep fighting for my dream. When one door closes isn't another suppose to open up? I am waiting and praying for this.

I believe that it is my time to finally fulfill "ME"!!! I have the support of my husband, and the motivation from my kids. College here I come, again.

I wont let this bump in the road stop me. I will continue to be persistent even if it means trying to get a walk in and being told "its to full". I got this. College is a weapon we need to succeed in life. It is the true key to success and I can feel it at the tip of my fingers. Lets do this.

Not our season!

I never thought that having kids meant loosing friends, till I had my own. In the movies they make it

seem like not much changes when you get pregnant. Your friends are there for you when you need them. Not in my case.

When I found out that I was pregnant with Sariah I didn't expect to lose the friends that I had been friends with for what seemed like forever. It wasn't until around 3 months that I really noticed (now don't get me wrong, a few did stay, the real ones)., but most of them fled like it was a disease. To this day I still don't understand why. I asked and answers were so ridiculous I could not come to grips with the excuses if you ask me. Some of the reasons: "I wanted to party and you couldn't", or "you were starting a family and I was going to be left out".

First things first I am not one to kick someone to the curb because I am having a baby. The only reason that I would, is if you were a bad influence (drugs, prostitution, stripping). Friends aren't something that you just throw away at your disposal.

This is when I really began to understand what the saying " Some friends are for a lifetime, but some are only for a season". I didn't want to believe this, but it is true. We aren't meant to keep the seasonal friends for life. I now know this. I didn't lose them because I had a baby, it just wasn't our season any longer. Now I am not sure if they come back for another season or not, because I am not willing to get hurt again. Or allow my children to meet someone and they are around for a sort while and then they up and leave.

Me becoming a mother has taught me a lot about myself and showed me that the friends I need are the ones willing to stick it out even if I cant go to the club. So what you can go to the club with the other women who don't have kids (or in todays time the ones that don't take care of their kids, their mom or dads do it for them). Hey I call it like I see it.

Now don't take it out of context people. You don't have to loose yourself and stop having fun. I on the other hand am not about to spend my money to get my nails, toes, hair done and a bomb outfit to sit in the dark and be around a bunch of sweaty nasty young people acting crazy. I can do that at home on YouTube for free, okay!

If you are reading this and you don't have kids, but your friends do. Don't leave them because you think that their life is going to change so much that they would kick you to the curb. Talk to them and explain how you feel, because trust me when I say " if you decide to leave and become MIA don't come back"!!!

Seasons come and seasons go. So do friendships. It is something that is hard but when those friends leave God will give you the true friends that you need. To last a lifetime. My kids didn't scare them away. It was just them being selfish, and that is okay. It just isn't our season anymore!!!

"BOOM"!!!

Have you ever wondered "where would I be if I didn't have my kids"? I know it is something that

always ran across my mind. Growing up and hanging out with the wrong type of people always had me second guessing everything that ever happened to me. I never knew if the decisions that I was making were the right ones. I still can vividly remember one night hanging out with some friends. I was so stupid to have got in the car because the driver was going off crazy because he had been drinking, but I didn't want to be left alone. So I got in and we drove maybe 10 minutes away  (which is far when the driver is irate and drunk). He wanted to shoot someone. I for the life of me don't know why, but the fact I was there had me terrified. When we got to are location we all exited the car. My friends were telling the driver put your gun away. You aren't going to shoot anyone. Just put it on safety and lets go.  At first he was against putting the gun away trying to pick a fight with the people around the neighborhood. Now if your from the East side of Long Beach you know fighting and guns are the norm. Sad but true.

At this point we are about to walk in an apartment complex so they told him again "put the gun on safety". As he pulled the gun out all we heard was "BOOM", next thing I knew my forehead was bleeding and I didn't know why. I knew hadn't been shot, but still I didn't understand why I had blood dripping down my face. When we got in the apartment, my ears were still ringing, almost deafening. I had a cut from the bullets shell, it literally ricocheted off of my forehead. It was scary but thank the Lord above it wasn't the bullet. Still doesn't make it any better though. That was the moment I woke up and realized this is not the life for me.

Only a short year later did I find out that I was pregnant with my first (my Angel in heaven). I was young but still I felt like maybe now my life would have purpose. I was excited to be becoming a  mother. Just as soon as I found out I felt like it had been ripped from me. The hardest thing to experience. I went on working and still spending quality time with my honey. I knew he was the man that I wanted to marry. Some may think "you were too young to know what you wanted", but child let me tell, "when you know you know".

5 months later I learned that God had given me another chance to be a mom. I was pregnant with Sariah. I cant lie and say that I was 100% excited because I was scared to death the whole time even up till the day of delivery. I had heard so  many stories about people giving birth and the baby dies. I was horrified. Sep. 08, 2008 was the best day I had ever had. Even though I was in labor for 40 hours I still was excited. It wasn't till a few days later that I would understand the true meaning of being a parent.

Sariah had to go to the hospital for her jaundice and because she was gagging so much when she would sleep. My baby ended up being in the hospital for a week straight, and I never once left her side. That is what being a parent is about. Giving up the things you want for someone else. Protecting and providing that little being with everything in you. I finally knew what I was meant to do. Be some ones mother. I finally felt like my life was complete. I didn't know that only 5 months later I would be pregnant with Kamille. Double the blessing. It was hard I cant lie, but oh so rewarding. Kamille ended up in the hospital as well for jaundice. I didn't leave her side either, even though I had Sariah at home I had to be there with the newborn. Luckily she was only there for 2 days.

I went to school while pregnant with both, but decided that I was going to stay home and put off my dreams for a while. My kids came first before anything and anyone. I can always go back to school was my thought. If anything they would be my motivation to get an education. Kids don't hold you back they push you forward. In 2011 I decided that I would go back to school so I can get my foot in the door in the medical field. I went to UEI for Medical Assistant. I told myself that if I was going to go back to school and put my girls in a daycare, I would succeed with a 4.0 GPA and I would become the mentor of my class. I believe because I had my kids that is why I was able to achieve it all. I became the mentor of the class along with a really good friend, and I graduated with a 4.0 GPA.

My life had meaning now, and I was complete because of my children. It felt good. I didn't know but in 2014 God would give me one more, my last little Logan. When I say that my life has come full circle it really has. I could have ended up with a man that would cheat, beat my ass or even be in jail. Hell or 6 feet under. I thank the Lord for my kids because they allowed me to become a better person. Now when I sacrifice the things I want I know its for a good reason. I don't just have a baby daddy, I have a husband. I don't just have my kids every other weekend. I have them everyday. This is why we decided to move and get away from the area we grew up in. Long Beach will always be the place we grew up, but it isn't home. Home is

where my kids are.

"BOOM" was my wake up call!!!

It doesnt have to be like that!!!

I didn't know if I was going to blog about this subject because it is almost like politics to me. The

problem is that it is heavy on my heart. So I know that means I must. In this crazy world that we live in, it is our duty to fully protect our children. Sometimes things happen that are out of our hands, but once we get word of the situation we are to grasp it and handle it immediately, and as adults. Please if you are going to be bias and ignorant I am asking you to leave the blog now. This is a place for me to vent and hopefully help other mothers out.

Most know that I am not the nicest person when it comes to my kids. They mean the absolute world to me, and if I could protect them 24/7 I sure would. Sariah who is my oldest started kindergarten last year and I couldn't have been more excited for her. Seeing that smile on her face when I took her for registration was priceless. We all grew up thinking that school was a safe haven for our kids, but in the last few years that hasn't been the case. A lot of bad has happened to students, innocent little hearts taken away too soon. Now I understand that God is the creator of all, he writes out our lives before we are even born. Still I can never understand why the things that happen in this world do, and I guess it isn't for me to understand.

Now I would send my baby to school everyday with her hair nice, a cute outfit on and some beautiful earrings. I knew that she wouldn't come home looking the way I sent her. It is kindergarten for crying out loud. What I didn't expect was for her to come home and tell me that someone had pushed her in the mud and not one adult did anything about it. Nor did they think to let me know. Oh, and did I mention it was picture day? Yes. I went back up to that school to speak with the principal, but I automatically knew that he wasn't about to do anything. So, a few weeks pass and riri comes home to tell me that a little girl in her class cut her hair. WTH!!! Are we for real right now? How in the hell did a little girl cut my babies hair and the teacher didn't think to tell me. I didn't wait to for the next day to come, I went straight to the office and demanded to speak with someone. Of course to my surprise no one that had any authority was there.

Now I am about to be 100% honest, I wanted to beat that little girls moms ass. Then I thought is it worth it?  I believe children are the way they are because of how they are raised. If you allow them to act like they are being raised in a barn then that is how they are going to act. If you dress them like a gang member then that's what they will become. I told you don't read this if you are biased on this topic. I am giving you a moment to leave..... That moment is now up. On with my rant. Parents you are the example for you child/children. Get your stuff together and stop acting like it is funny when your child cusses, or when your child hits their brother or sister and laughs about it. I have always heard the saying " you are to train up a child", so I do blame the parents. When your kids get older they usually test the waters a bit and act out. If you did your best then they will come to a decision to either stray or get it together.

So long story short the principal still didn't do a damn thing. At this point I was so through with this school. It took a few more things to make me pull her out, but I was glad that I did. She then went to a school that was very strict on violence and academic well being. Which was an A+ in my book. Sariah did well and had no real issues until the end of the school year. When a little boy who has had numerous encounters with the office thought that he should take it upon himself to hurt my child. Sariah is usually not a timid person. She will protect and defend herself if need be. The thing is she has been learning that violence is not the answer. I went to pick her up from school and I noticed that she wasn't herself. Her head was down and she looked like she had been in trouble. ( this is where a lot of parents fail, you need to stop worrying about running those errands and getting to the mall, find out right away what happened and deal with it) She said " mommy I got into a fight", now my reaction was " Why in the hell didn't the school call me and notify me as to what happened". I immediately turned around and asked her teacher what is going on, and why didn't anyone call me?

Do you know the response I got could have went one or two ways. I decided to take the high route and listen to what the teacher had to say first. She said " I didn't know what happened because I wasn't out there". I thought to myself " who was out there then"? To my surprise the teachers were all so busy taking that no one paid attention. My daughters arm was twisted, she was pushed on the ground and repeatedly kicked. You think I should have known about this from the office. I handled the situation like an adult but inside I was dying.

How could this happen and to my baby? I send her to school to be safe and learn, not be someone's punching bag. This little boy had done this numerous times before. When is it going to be enough? The school didn't do much as to the situation because the little boy cried and apologized to her. His exact words were " I thought that it was okay". Do you not understand that we as the parents live out the examples we set for our kids. It was evident that things were taking place at home and this little boy was bringing it to school. Parents please set good examples. Our kids are the next generation. They can be doctors, lawyers, producers or convicts, murders, rapists. It is ultimately their decision but we do play a big role in their lives.

I know you all don't agree with me and that is fine, but my baby didn't deserve what happened and I believe because I conducted myself like an adult she understood violence isn't the answer. This taught me a little bit about myself. How to control my temper because I know I have a bad one. It doesn't mean that I would let someone walk all over me or my kids., but it has shown me that what I show my kids, they will turn around a mimic it... Please parents talk to your babies about what to do in this situation. Handle yourself like adults and raise them to be something beautiful.

To my love

I still can smell the air and feel the cold on my body. Walking from room to room waiting to see that face. That moment is so vivid in my mind its like I am there again. Nothing or no one can take those precious moments away. The day I decided that I didn't want anyone else but, you!!!

My dearest pooh bear (yes, I call my hubby that):

My prom 05/05/2007

We have been through so much in this short amount of time, but look how strong we have become. Not a moment has passed that I haven't been grateful God gave us a second chance at love. Most doubted that we would still be here. 7 plus years and we are still going strong. We had a few hiccups along the way, but I believe that is why we are here today. No relationship is perfect and if anyone says that theirs is, I call bullshit. With every fiber of my being I am in absolute love with the man you are. I see you sacrifice your hope and ambitions to make sure that I can attain mine first. You put off going to school for your dream to allow me the opportunity to reach mine. What man would do that? YOU. Now I am not going to pretend that we are always in blissful love, because reality is we have a real marriage. No one is ever 100% happy all the time. I may get on your nerves about your car (your girlfriend) but lord knows you could have a worse hobby (going to the strip club). Just know its not about you loving your car, its about me wanting to spend every extra moment we have together. Today, tomorrow it is never promised, but the right now is the right time to make many memories. When I look back over the years I am so happy that I was able to spend them with you. Look at the three most precious angels God gave us. Our children. I couldn't have asked for a better father. Of course we all have flaws in our parenting but the fact you own up to your mistakes lets me know that becoming a father has made you a better man. I am sure there are a few people that are reading my letter to you and they are thinking " kiss ass Kayleigh", but reality and all bullshit to the side. You Shawn Thomas are the man of my dreams and I cant wait to grow old and grey with you. You are the air that I breath and the beat to my heart. I wouldn't want anyone else.

Our wedding after two beautiful
girls we finally did it
02/24/2011

I have been in relationships that were fake and phony, I am so glad that this one has been different and real. My vow to you is that no matter the past and all the craziness we have been through I promise to love you for you. You and our kids are my family and I would lie down in the street and die for you over and over again, if that means I get to be your wife forever and always. I only pray that at the end of the day I make you as happy as you make me. I see that what matters most to me, matters most to you. My mom is my heart and when things went left for her you (my husband) were the first to say "does she want to move and live with us"? I don't know any man that would do that for their wife. You did and that means the world to me. She isn't your mom but you make sure that she has a ruff over her head because of the situation. If I have never said it before let me say it now "thank you". You are a stand up man and I am glad that Logan will be able to learn how to treat his wife one day (when he is 35, lol)... Our girls Sariah and Kamille will know what type of husband they deserve and wont settle for anything less (when they are over 35, lol).

I love you babe and I am so glad that we made a decision to become one and stick it out no matter what life threw at us. Thank you for making me your wife... Hugs and kisses. I will love you to the moon and back!!!

Even though he cant stand all the people that go to Disneyland/California Adventure
He sucked it up and made the best of it.
Kamilles first time on Tower of Terror.

Love your wife
Kayleigh

Stands for something...

Waking up in the morning is something that we all pray for as we lay our heads down to bed at night. Never expecting anything more than that. We know that tomorrow is never promised, all we have is the "right now", but we still never expect that moment. As I look at my sons face all I can do is thank God for him. We had such a tragic few months before finding out that we were pregnant with this little blessing. We lost two amazing people in our family. One on my side and one on my husbands side.

My message to Richard: Although growing up I thought you were an ass because you seemed to always be angry at the world, you yelled at me, punished me with a toothbrush to wash walls (because I stole money from you and tried to hide it) you meant well. Now that I am a mother I can understand why you did the things that you did. You were only trying to help prepare us for the day we became parents. I am so grateful for that. We had not been air tight, but you were still someone I loved, admired and cared deeply for. I looked up to you. The meaning of what a true man is, a husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin. The list can go on. You were amazing. I am so glad that Sabreena helped me and my mom be able to go to the river, what would be our last summer with you. It is a moment that I will always cherish as will my girls. They loved you and even though I never said it to you, " I loved you too". You stood for what you believed in. You went back to school later in life to fulfill your dreams. You excelled. The day you graduated was a day to always
remember, thank you for having me. No matter what obstacles got in your way, you figured out how to make it to the finish line. With honors at that. You stood for something...

We moved into our new place a few months later and learned that Shawn's granny had passed away. We knew that she had entered the hospital a few weeks earlier and wasn't doing to well. We got to visit her and Shawn got to spend time with her, not believing that it would be his last time. A week later after the funeral we were at home. I could feel that something was different, I wasn't 100% sure, but I knew. I went to Wal-Mart, came home went to the bathroom took a few deep breaths, and waited.... I didn't have to wait long, before I saw... PREGNANT. The test said 5 min before any results, I didn't even wait 30 sec. My head was spinning. I already had a 4 and 3 years old. There was no way.

I was scared as hell to tell my hubby at first because I didn't know how he was going to react. I couldn't keep it from him, so here goes nothing I thought. I went out to the garage and showed him... I don't know if he was happy, sad or mad... It might have been shock. Another baby. After all that our families had just gone through this was a gift from God. There is a saying that when someone gets their wings, God will give back another. I believed that to be true. My original due date happened to be March 30, 2014. Richards birthday.

The months went by and it was time to get ready for my sons birth. I was being induced on March 22, 2014. As I kissed my girls bye and told them "Mommy loves you, and grandma will be back later to bring you to the hospital to see your baby brother", I was nervous, anxious, and excited all in one. I was hungry too, but that's another story. I couldn't help but wonder about the name we had chose. Up until the moment he was born I still hadn't decided if I was going to choose that name we picked from the beginning. I knew his first name and last name, but the middle meant so much to me. I had felt hurt, betrayed and a disconnect with people I loved because of what they thought was my sons name. It had to stand for something...

5:36 pm on March 22,2014 my son entered into this world, a cruel and evil world., but in my arms he was in the safest of places. As I looked at him nothing even mattered. I was blessed and I wanted this moment for just my husband, my mom and myself. I didn't want to share it with anyone other than them because they always support me, and don't judge my actions or choices (not out loud anyways). As my mom left to pick up my girls and my kids God mom, Shawn went to get my food ( I was starving). I spent an hour with him at my breast and was amazed. "I had a son". When I stared at him I  knew no matter what anyone had to say his name would be Logan Richard-Hart Thomas.

A name that stood for something.
Logan: Generally a man of great character, possessed of a fabulous sexual magnetism. Courageous, your quintessential knight-in-shining armor type.
Richard:Tall, almost towering, large features, arms, legs. Beautiful heart. Kind. Although he is able to communicate well, he feels much more deeply than he speaks. Only those that are close to him will ever really know him.  A strong, powerful force, a positive energy, other men are always questioning, "what's so great about Richard?". Spiritual leader.
Hart: the rope, strong
Thomas: its by name means "twin"

I chose this name because to me it meant strong, powerful and roped all the heartache our families went through together. Some may still question why? Its not for them to understand, and am sorry if anyone was hurt or is hurt by my choice to name my son what I did. I love his name and stand firmly behind my choice. Welcome to the world my beautiful boy. May you always follow you heart and
reach for the stars. We love you and are truly blessed to have been given another blessing. My girls

and my son... We are complete. " If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything". (side note) A quote that can be heavily disputed as too who first said it. So I wont write any names... You can do your own research. LOL!