Who knew?

I did not start this blog for money or for fame like some do. I decided to open my heart and use this

This is me!!!

as an outlet for myself to hopefully relate to someone other than myself. No one focus, just raw honest truth. Allowing myself a platform to inspire others to do what makes them happy.

Writing has always been a way of expression for me, when I feel like I cant say what I feel I just write. Most don't know this, but I have always been afraid of judgement against me. A fear of people not excepting me for ME! Even though I seem like I have it all together and could care less what people think of me, I really and truly have always cared. That is something I am constantly working on. Writing is just one of many of my loves.

When I was younger I wanted to be only one thing (a teacher) because I thought that, that was all one could do... ONE thing!!! I mean who knew that people could juggle more than one love? I sure as heck didn't. That is until I graduated from high school and went through the loss of my first pregnancy. I was not sure if my loss had me confused about the career I wanted or if indeed there was no one particular job out there for me...

For a while after my loss, I battled with career paths. A few months after my miscarriage I found out that I was expecting again. While I was scared and nervous about being pregnant once again, I knew that I wanted a career. I needed a career, after all I was expecting a blessing. So, I started college. I was going to be a teacher. While in school I noticed that I was not that satisfied with the career choice that I had chose because honestly teachers are over worked and very much underpaid.... I decided that I was going to change my career because I was unhappy with my choice. I meet with my career counselor to help me set up courses that I needed to become a crime scene investigator. I started my classes only to find myself saying "girl you cant pass the physical portion of this job" so guess what I did???????

Yep, you guessed it... ON TO THE NEXT CAREER.... I made sure that this time I was not going to waste my time but get that education I wanted so that I could have the career I have always dreamed about. I met with my career counselor again and talked about some options for me.

Now by this time I had already had my first child and was now pregnant with my second. I not only wanted a career but, felt like I needed it more than ever. I went to school during the summer and did very well, but once I had my second daughter I decided to stay home and put my career on hold.

I loved being a mommy, but hated that I felt like a complete failure. While all my other friends were at college I was at home raising babies and letting my man take care of the household financially (ladies I felt like a complete and utter mess). That was until one day a great friend of mine that went to school to become a Medical Assistant told me all about it. I instantly was in love. Who knew that in less than a year I could have a job in the Medical field and still be a mom and a wife?

My friend went with me to check out a school and helped me to get on track to start my career. I signed up for school and let me tell you I did very well. I was a mentor in my class as well as a
4.0 student with perfect attendance and honor roll. It felt great to graduate at the top of my class, but that was short lived. I put my heart in my schooling but, all the jobs out there when I graduated were not what I had expected.

Still feeling unfulfilled in my career path, I chose to go back to school. I was so excited because now I was going to go and work hard to become a Physician Assistant. Yes, honey I was going to provide a better life for my wonderful family. Until, the school I lived by didn't offer any classes for my career of choice. I would have to drive well over an hour and a half just for school. I could not do that I had two little ones under the age of 3. Again, I felt unfulfilled and defeated.

So, here I am now a mother of 3 and wanting to go back to school. I thought hey one of my favorite things in this world is cooking. I can go to culinary arts school because honey she can cook. That is until my world stopped when I found out that my favorite school on this planet wants $40,000. That is not with interest honey.... I nearly passed out and while I really was considering it, I thought to myself.... "Now Kayleigh, is this smart of you to do? How are you going to be able to pay that off? Will you be able to find a great job in this field? Will you ever have financial freedom if you take loans out like that?" This all came to my mind. So I posted on Facebook to see if anyone could give me some true insight on this school. It seems as though I had no one in my corner to help with insight even though I know people that have attended here, but that is neither here nor there (get out of your feelings girl).

I decided that I was not going to go because I don't want to put myself or leave my family in debt because I want to go this school. Then all of a sudden a light bulb came on and I finally figured out why I had to go through all of these career changes.....

Because, none of these one jobs are for me on there own. I am a teacher to my children each and everyday. From the moment they wake to the moment the go to bed. Even then I am still a teacher, because I am correcting homework and looking over at their work from the day. I am a crime scene investigator when I tackle their room (Lord help me in there, LOL) trying to figure out what the hell happened. When they are sick and not feeling well I am their Medical Assistant (Nurse Mommy to the rescue). I nurse them back to health because that is what mommies do.... Last but not least, I am my own chef. Who said that I needed to go to culinary arts school to be a chef? No one. I am chef mommy.

The reason I wanted to write this today is because I feel like someone needs to hear this (well, technically read this). Your life is not over because you have had obstacles in your way. Look at it from all angles. I promise that it will all come together in the end.

A Journey, A Lifestyle

Have you ever wanted something so bad and cant seem to figure out why you are not getting the results you want? When you really sit and think about it you are only dedicated to working maybe 33% of you time for that goal? I think we have all been there. Its always something... "Im too busy, I have too many kids, I am tired.". You know its true!!!

The reason I ask today is because I am not were I want to be nor have I ever been happy about were I am. I feel like I try and try but yet I am still stuck... I know that I have been gone for a while on blogging and I definitely needed to be. I have had a few things that have been happening in my life and now that I understand what to do I am ready but, that is for another blog....

I want to help you get to a place of new beginnings. First things first you need to have a mindset for change... That is the key to being successful in your journey. That is what this is "A JOURNEY, A LIFESTYLE."

Right before you begin this journey I strongly suggest that you go to your primary doctor and make sure that your health is okay. Now remember what works for one might not work for you (I have learned this). Now you can start easing your way into this journey before your doctors appointment, but remember to start out slow.

Some people like to go cold turkey and then they wonder why they end up falling off around week 2 or 3. Slow and steady is the best way to begin.  Now here are the steps.

1. Meditation (This is all about your mindset)
2. Changing bad habits (Drinking everyday, smoking, etc.)
3. Clean eating (fruit instead of candy)
4. Working out (Fuels energy)
5. Dedication/ Perseverance (Sticking with it and pushing forward)
6. Food journal (What am I eating?) 
7. Accountability group (People that are in your corner)

It is a start that everyone needs to take, lets do this together. Who is with me? If your ready to change your life today let me know. I am here to help you in this journey. I am still in mine and would love some great company.

Am I the only one?

It seems like there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things you want to and need to do. You wake up get yourself ready and then the kids. Give them breakfast, drop them off at school (if they are in school) and then run errands. By which now it is time to go to work. You do your job then get off and get home around 9:40 pm or later, eat dinner hop in the shower and sit down to relax and realize you didn't get everything accomplished.

Mimi and Riah!!!

Am I the only one that feels like this? I cant be!!! I would not change my life for anything even  though I am sure I have big bags under my eyes, half my makeup smeared off and I'm sure my kids are climbing up the walls, lol. I am just kidding people, calm down already................

Well now that the kids are out of school and its time to prep them for next year. I am so excited to be having two children in elementary now. Riah just got her final grades in and she has made me very proud. She made Honor Roll again. That makes for all year!!! My baby is doing so well in school. I couldn't be any more proud of her.

Mimi is counting down the days now till Kinder. My big baby girl has been so patient when it comes to school. She is already 5, but because of being a December baby she had to wait. She keeps asking "Is school tomorrow?" LOL!!! My big baby girl cant wait.

Logey Bear!!!

Logey Bear is finally walking everywhere. You cant get that boy to sit, but when he is sleeping. It is the cutest thing ever in life. He kind of runs while walking, if you can picture that. It is a beautiful thing. People always say that each baby is different and it is so true. This baby is truly a boy, Wholeheartedly. He lets you know when he is mad. I am working on him right now with his cute but very hard attitude. He has a thing for hitting and throwing things when you tell him "no". So, with that being said we are working with him right now.

My life is so full right now and I am truly blessed. Regardless of the craziness I call "LIFE" it is my life and I am grateful to be in it. I love my beautiful family. It is all mine!!!

I love you for reading and I hope that you enjoyed... Till next time... Peace, Love and Blessings!!!

Finally, Back again!!!

I am so excited to be back!!!

That moment that you sit back and say to yourself " Why am I wasting time and not doing the things that I love?"... I started this blog because I had things to say and I wanted to be able to help other moms and or women in general. What is going on Kay?

Well, everyone if anyone even cares "I AM BACK!!!".

I have been wondering when I would get the strength to get back at it and now I feel great. It has been so long..... I guess I should catch everyone up on what has been going on...

For one I am no longer a stay at home mom anymore ( I actually do miss it) this momma is a working...LOL. My oldest is almost finished with first grade and has maintained A/B Honors all year long (proud mommy moment). My second daughter is getting anxious for kinder next year, she even asked "Do I start tomorrow?" to the lady in the office, and my baby boy is already 1 and walking around getting into everything. I tell you I don't know where the time has gone. Next thing I know they are going to be asking "Mom, can I go out with my friends?", and I will be home crying my eyes out because my home is empty...

I tell you hold onto them and enjoy every moment you have with them. They are so special and precious to me. I am truly a blessed women.

I for one am looking forward to an amazing summer. With the trials and tribulations that I have experienced in 2014/2015 thus far, I am grateful I haven't jumped of the ledge (metaphorically speaking people). Well with that being said I just summed up very briefly what has been going on in our lives and I cant wait to get back into the world of blogging. I love it very much and cant wait to poor my heart back into it....

"YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

From the moment you think "I might be", to the moment you find
out "I am" "You are a mother". Even if you never heard the heart beat "You are a mother". Just because you didn't get to feel their kick "You are a mother". Even though you never will get to take them home, "You are a mother". So what you had to give them up for adoption "You are a mother". If you didn't get the chance to watch them grow because they got their angel wings earlier than expected "You are a mother". Its okay you had to play mommy and daddy. "You are a mother".

"I am looking forward to seeing the kind of person my son will be. His little personality and his little smile. I am a mother".

"I hate the teenager years, the mood swings, the "mad"itudes for no apparent reason. I am a mother".

"They are my motivation to pull through in life. I am a mother".

"I hate that because I have spoiled them rotten that when I say I don't have it, they don't understand. I am a mother".

"I love the unconditional love that each kid gives to me. I am a mother".

"I hate that I cant protect them from the pain and hurt in the world. Having to let them make their own mistakes. I am a mother".

Regardless of your situation "you are a mother". Some say that if you don't
physically have the child you are not. I say other wise. I celebrate each and everyone of you today. "You are a mother".

"I love the thoughtful things my children do/say without being asked. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to the dark thoughts I know will come at night. That I am not able to be the mommy I want to be. I am a mother".

"I love that becoming a mother exposed me to the world of holistic health care. I am a mother".

"I hate mommy wars. I am a mother".

"I love the simple joy that my daughter finds in life, like bubbles and flowers. I am a mother".

"I hate the first trimester of pregnancy. All the sickness its awful. I am a mother".

In life we have obstacles. Some that are easy and some that we really have
to work hard to overcome. Becoming pregnant is one of those obstacles. For some there mere thought of a baby gets them pregnant. That isn't the case for everyone. Some may never get to experience the joys of motherhood through the womb., but by adoption. "You are a mother".

"I love the immediate indescribable love you feel for your kids. I feel it most at night while rocking mine to sleep. I am a mother".
"I hate that I cant ever give up. It is especially hard when I have so much going on in life and I cant deal. I am a mother".

"I love seeing my child apply something that I taught. I am a mother".

"I hate that my kids are old enough to make their own decision and I have to accept them, even though I know the are making a mistake. I am a mother".

"I love that when I am down and out and thinking negative thoughts about leaving this place, just thinking about my kids saves me. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to my post-partum body. I am a mother".

Being a parent is a different experience for everyone. Sometimes we get pregnant and we don't feel like it is our time to become a mother. We aren't ready. We think about "do I keep it, get rid of it, what am I going to do"? Adoption becomes an answered pray to some family. "You are a mother".

" I love seeing her every morning and every night just smile at me. I'm finally a real mommy, and it's such a great feeling. I am a mother".

"I hate that he is so far away and there is nothing I can do about it. I never regret my decision to place him for adoption, but sometimes I wish circumstances had been different when he was born so I could have him now. I miss him so much, and there will always be something missing in my heart, but I know I gave him the world. Had I kept him, he probably wouldn't be in my custody now. I am a mother".

"I love watching my son grow. Watching him reach milestones and seeing his personality shine through. I am a mother".

"I hate I feel like I failed my daughter, because I picked a man wouldn't be my husband or a father to her. I am a mother"."

"I am looking forward to breastfeeding. I know it is going to be difficult, but I want to bond/connect and look into her eyes. I am a mother".


"I hate people questioning my parenting especially when I didn't ask for an opinion. I am a mother".

Just because things didn't play out the way you wanted you haven't failed. Sometimes life gets in the way. We do things we aren't proud of, and make choices we soon regret. "You are a mother".

"I love that we will always be a family despite our situation. I am a mother".

"I hate the anxiety that comes with motherhood. I constantly doubt myself, am I doing everything right. I am a mother".

"I love spending time with my daughter, watching her grow and blossom into the young lady she is. I am a mother".

"I hate feeling alone with our kids even though I have a husband home. I am a mother".

"I love that I am able to witness her many talents. She bring joy and
happiness to my heart. I am a mother".

"I hate my pregnancies are so hard that I never get to enjoy them. I am a mother".

     Psalms 127:3 

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

No matter how you were blessed with them, they are your gifts. Love them and cherish the moments you have together. It may get rough, you may lose sleep. But, their are women dying to have the opportunity to become a mother. Don't take it for granted.

No one may ever tell you this but only once a year, and to me that is not enough. We moms are under appreciated. From one mother to the next I will celebrate you and this wonderful thing we get to call motherhood. Lets make a difference in the world. Not judging each other but uplifting one another. I love you all and believe in you. No matter what circumstance you are in or have been in.
                                                             "YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

 

 

 

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My day!

Today was a lazy kind of day, really didn't do to much. Not feeling too good if you ask me. I did although

head over to the college to see about not retaking the placement test. I finally received my transcripts. It seems like forever. I guess because I am not physically in Long Beach. They make you download a page, print it out sign it, and then fax it over.

It felt like I had to pull teeth in order to get "my" transcripts, but I did it. Thank God. Anyways I have to go back Monday to talk with The English department and Math department so they can give me my classes. I am so blessed to take the first few steps so I can go back to school and further my education again. If I could I think I would stay in school forever, I actually enjoy it...

After that we went to target for a few items and then back home. Like I said my body isn't feeing well. Not sure if it is this heat that is getting to me or what. I cant be sick though I have 3 little ones depending on my every move... HELP!!! LOL. Ill be fine though.

Now we are watching the movie "Cars" Logan actually sits and pays attention. It is so cute. I think he is more alert than Sariah and Kamille were at his age. Babies these days are so smart and much more advanced.

While watching the movie, Kamille is attempting to make my hair look like Elsa from the movie FROZEN!!! She does this at least twice a day, it is so sweet. She acts like she is making a YouTube video for her fans. LOL.

Bath time is next for them and then story time. Hopefully they will call it a night early because mommy needs some quite time. I am so excited for this blog that I am doing for tomorrow. I cant wait, and I  really am hoping that everyone is going to enjoy it.

I am so grateful for all that sent in. It makes this blog that much more special. Well everyone it is an early night for me. I have a lot to get together in order to make my blog special in the way I want. Have a great night.

A quick message to my readers.

Inspiration is something that I look for when I look for friends, other mothers or people just in my circle. If when I see you or talk to you all you can do is be negative I cant continue to be around. If you cant see the vision it wont come to pass.

As a mother times get hard but I push through. I may cry all the way through but at least I didn't give up. I see what is in store for my future and no one can change what God has planned out for me. No one. I  am finally walking in my purpose, and loving every moment.

I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I am headed there. I couldn't be more excited, and I want to take you all on the journey with me. That's why I have started blogging. I want to be able to look back over my life and read my every thought, emotion and feelings.

I hope that these blogs are something that you look forward to when you get a free moment to sit down and read. I know that I enjoy writing them. It just flows so naturally out of my belly and into the computer. I don't even have to cluster my thoughts on paper. I just sit down and start writing.

Each day I may not write as many as the others, but know that I am constantly thinking about topics I want to touch on. Doing this is allowing me to help someone out there. I can feel it in my bones. My advice may not be for you in particular, but I hope that it still touches you in a way that can help someone in your circle.

I just wanted to take a few seconds to say, "I appreciate you, yes you". The ones that are taking time to read my blogs. I never thought I would actually do it because I was afraid of rejection from people.

I didn't have a father growing up so I always felt rejected, and no matter what anyone says it plays a big role in a girls life. After lots of failed relationships with family, friends, boyfriends. I love where I am today. I have an amazing husband, 3 beautiful babies and a place I can call my own. "daily diaries of their mom"!!!

Thank you again!