Who knew?

I did not start this blog for money or for fame like some do. I decided to open my heart and use this

This is me!!!

as an outlet for myself to hopefully relate to someone other than myself. No one focus, just raw honest truth. Allowing myself a platform to inspire others to do what makes them happy.

Writing has always been a way of expression for me, when I feel like I cant say what I feel I just write. Most don't know this, but I have always been afraid of judgement against me. A fear of people not excepting me for ME! Even though I seem like I have it all together and could care less what people think of me, I really and truly have always cared. That is something I am constantly working on. Writing is just one of many of my loves.

When I was younger I wanted to be only one thing (a teacher) because I thought that, that was all one could do... ONE thing!!! I mean who knew that people could juggle more than one love? I sure as heck didn't. That is until I graduated from high school and went through the loss of my first pregnancy. I was not sure if my loss had me confused about the career I wanted or if indeed there was no one particular job out there for me...

For a while after my loss, I battled with career paths. A few months after my miscarriage I found out that I was expecting again. While I was scared and nervous about being pregnant once again, I knew that I wanted a career. I needed a career, after all I was expecting a blessing. So, I started college. I was going to be a teacher. While in school I noticed that I was not that satisfied with the career choice that I had chose because honestly teachers are over worked and very much underpaid.... I decided that I was going to change my career because I was unhappy with my choice. I meet with my career counselor to help me set up courses that I needed to become a crime scene investigator. I started my classes only to find myself saying "girl you cant pass the physical portion of this job" so guess what I did???????

Yep, you guessed it... ON TO THE NEXT CAREER.... I made sure that this time I was not going to waste my time but get that education I wanted so that I could have the career I have always dreamed about. I met with my career counselor again and talked about some options for me.

Now by this time I had already had my first child and was now pregnant with my second. I not only wanted a career but, felt like I needed it more than ever. I went to school during the summer and did very well, but once I had my second daughter I decided to stay home and put my career on hold.

I loved being a mommy, but hated that I felt like a complete failure. While all my other friends were at college I was at home raising babies and letting my man take care of the household financially (ladies I felt like a complete and utter mess). That was until one day a great friend of mine that went to school to become a Medical Assistant told me all about it. I instantly was in love. Who knew that in less than a year I could have a job in the Medical field and still be a mom and a wife?

My friend went with me to check out a school and helped me to get on track to start my career. I signed up for school and let me tell you I did very well. I was a mentor in my class as well as a
4.0 student with perfect attendance and honor roll. It felt great to graduate at the top of my class, but that was short lived. I put my heart in my schooling but, all the jobs out there when I graduated were not what I had expected.

Still feeling unfulfilled in my career path, I chose to go back to school. I was so excited because now I was going to go and work hard to become a Physician Assistant. Yes, honey I was going to provide a better life for my wonderful family. Until, the school I lived by didn't offer any classes for my career of choice. I would have to drive well over an hour and a half just for school. I could not do that I had two little ones under the age of 3. Again, I felt unfulfilled and defeated.

So, here I am now a mother of 3 and wanting to go back to school. I thought hey one of my favorite things in this world is cooking. I can go to culinary arts school because honey she can cook. That is until my world stopped when I found out that my favorite school on this planet wants $40,000. That is not with interest honey.... I nearly passed out and while I really was considering it, I thought to myself.... "Now Kayleigh, is this smart of you to do? How are you going to be able to pay that off? Will you be able to find a great job in this field? Will you ever have financial freedom if you take loans out like that?" This all came to my mind. So I posted on Facebook to see if anyone could give me some true insight on this school. It seems as though I had no one in my corner to help with insight even though I know people that have attended here, but that is neither here nor there (get out of your feelings girl).

I decided that I was not going to go because I don't want to put myself or leave my family in debt because I want to go this school. Then all of a sudden a light bulb came on and I finally figured out why I had to go through all of these career changes.....

Because, none of these one jobs are for me on there own. I am a teacher to my children each and everyday. From the moment they wake to the moment the go to bed. Even then I am still a teacher, because I am correcting homework and looking over at their work from the day. I am a crime scene investigator when I tackle their room (Lord help me in there, LOL) trying to figure out what the hell happened. When they are sick and not feeling well I am their Medical Assistant (Nurse Mommy to the rescue). I nurse them back to health because that is what mommies do.... Last but not least, I am my own chef. Who said that I needed to go to culinary arts school to be a chef? No one. I am chef mommy.

The reason I wanted to write this today is because I feel like someone needs to hear this (well, technically read this). Your life is not over because you have had obstacles in your way. Look at it from all angles. I promise that it will all come together in the end.

The next chapter in my book...

I am not sure if anyone actually reads these or not, but I still feel a need to share...

I started my journey a little over a month now and boy has it been rough for me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy when I started and I am not expecting it to be, but I really want to see results. I am working out hard and eating clean. Before I get into full detail let me give you a little back story to why I decided to embark on this next chapter in my life...

Since giving birth to my beautiful baby boy I have noticed a dramatic change in my body and have lost myself. I don't remember it being this hard with my first two, which are my princesses. I have tried to start working out many of times and then a week into it I become unmotivated to continue. So, I do what is easy and give up... Not very smart of me, but at least I can become transparent with you all (whoever you are)...

So, once we finally made the decision that we are staying in Nevada, I located a doctor and made an appointment. A little disclaimer (Don't wait until everything in your body is going wrong, I should have went over a year ago before I actually saw my physician, but I was scared to hear what the doctor would tell me).  I had been having chest pains for quite sometime and was always tired and out of breath, even if I was just walking up the stairs to my house. I started to always taste salt in my food (like everything, even if no salt was added to it). I would swell up even though I have always watched my salt in take (I cant even wear my whole wedding ring, I am only wearing one band). Always dizzy and very off balance. I knew things were off with myself.

I met with my doctor and explained all my concerns and he actually listened to me (I have worked for many doctors that don't). He ordered tests and sent referral's immediately. He told me that it would take a few weeks of course to get approvals but, in the mean time to go do blood work.

Although I have not been to all my appointments yet because they don't have many new appointments open right away, I did get my blood work back. I received a letter in the mail explaining that I am pre-diabetic and some instruction for me, also that I needed to follow up with my doctor as soon as possible.

I meet with him and we went over a few things that I could do to insure that I wont become a diabetic. Foods to stay away from, as well as some exercises that I never knew could help. I went to MA school (Medical Assisting) and never heard that weight training and resistant band training can help the diabetes flee. I have also changed the way that I eat. I am very consistent with watching all starches, because they are very bad for you.

So while I am still waiting on future tests for all my other issues I figured now is the time to get healthy.

A few things that I have changed:

• no fried foods
• no soda or added sugar drinks
• cutting out white rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread
• nothing greasy
• working out (at least 30 mins cardio everyday, and weight training/resistant band as well)
• WATER, WATER AND MORE WATER
• did I mention WATER!!!

There is a lot that is going into this journey but, this is just some of it. I have a beautiful family that needs me and how can I be here for them if I am not healthy? I cant. So, I would love to start an accountability group, If anyone reading this is interested please let me know, and I will do a blog about it... 

Thank you all for taking the time to read  my blogs and know that I love you all for reading... TTYL!!!

Finally, Back again!!!

I am so excited to be back!!!

That moment that you sit back and say to yourself " Why am I wasting time and not doing the things that I love?"... I started this blog because I had things to say and I wanted to be able to help other moms and or women in general. What is going on Kay?

Well, everyone if anyone even cares "I AM BACK!!!".

I have been wondering when I would get the strength to get back at it and now I feel great. It has been so long..... I guess I should catch everyone up on what has been going on...

For one I am no longer a stay at home mom anymore ( I actually do miss it) this momma is a working...LOL. My oldest is almost finished with first grade and has maintained A/B Honors all year long (proud mommy moment). My second daughter is getting anxious for kinder next year, she even asked "Do I start tomorrow?" to the lady in the office, and my baby boy is already 1 and walking around getting into everything. I tell you I don't know where the time has gone. Next thing I know they are going to be asking "Mom, can I go out with my friends?", and I will be home crying my eyes out because my home is empty...

I tell you hold onto them and enjoy every moment you have with them. They are so special and precious to me. I am truly a blessed women.

I for one am looking forward to an amazing summer. With the trials and tribulations that I have experienced in 2014/2015 thus far, I am grateful I haven't jumped of the ledge (metaphorically speaking people). Well with that being said I just summed up very briefly what has been going on in our lives and I cant wait to get back into the world of blogging. I love it very much and cant wait to poor my heart back into it....

Jot down!!!

As I sit here while all my kids are asleep I feel like it would be fitting to sit down and jot down some feelings. After all this is like my open diary. So Week 1 is complete and I am feeling like "I got this". Now although I don't think I did as well as I know that I could have, I am proud of myself. I feel like I have more energy and I feel great about this new "ME".

My one down fall has been food. Now although I am meal prepping and I have healthy snacks, the fat girl in me always wants some type of chocolate something. LOL. Or bread. Now I know that I am not the only one out here that loves bread.... Maybe I am just the only one to openly admit to it. Anyways, I can have just ate my food and I smell garlic from a Chinese restaurant. O M to the G I start craving it right then and there. It is totally a hot mess.com

So I am trying to find alternatives to the things I so love. Now don't get me wrong I am not going to starve myself or totally deprive myself of things I love. It is all about moderation and portion control. Some people can go completely cold turkey and never look back. Well I am here to say "that aint me."

I know what my weaknesses are and I am willing to work on them in hopes to achieving my personal goal. "Looking great and feeling good." I am so blessed to be on this journey and with other women as well.

If you are looking to get it in and get fit let me know. I am not a recruiter. I am just looking to help inspire others like I have been inspired.

I love you all for taking the time to read...

Smiling through!!!

Temptation is all around us and sometimes it is so hard to fight through them. The one thing I am doing is pushing through all of the temptations around me. I may not pass them all and that is something that I am learning to be okay with. I cant be so hard on myself that I lose focus of the end result. If you constantly get mad at yourself, you might just give up all together.

Some people don't give themselves a break during the week (a cheat day for some). I think it is totally up to the person that you are. If you are a person who needs consistency and cant go off track for one day then don't, but if you are like me and find that you deserve one day to relax and not worry so much, then take one day to yourself.

I am enjoying this journey. I have set in my mind what it is that I am looking for. It isn't about a number for me. How much weight did I lose, but more so about how I look and feel. I want to be healthy first and then like what I see. I don't care if I am 175 or 150. If I am not liking what I see in the mirror it totally defeats my purpose in this journey.

The one thing I absolutely love about this journey, is my kids in it. I love how Sariah and Kamille participate with me in T25. It is so cute. Now they do get in my way and I have to ask them to move over, but it is amazing. We influence our children. If all they see is us eat Mc Donald's then that is what they are always going to want. If we never workout are children wont. What they see is what they become accustomed to.

With that being said, I am loving everyday and I am smiling through every workout. It is time to get it in... Why not today? Why wait for tomorrow to better  yourself and your family? Lets do this TOGETHER!!!

Thank you all. I love you for reading...

Just do it!!!

I decided that the most important part of this journey is remembering that it is not going to happen over night. If I don't have to work hard for it then I  wont appreciate it. That's where my mind is. Think about it.... When you find out that your pregnant, it would be nice to have that baby in your hands right then and there, but realistically if you did it would be a miscarriage not a healthy baby. God has us wait 40 weeks maybe a little sooner but usually around 40 weeks to meet that beautiful blessing. So that the moment that we meet them we totally appreciate them.

I am not giving up at all. I am so excited to work and to see the results. I know that I might not see them for a while, but mentally i am okay with that.

One thing that is in the back of my mind is do I really set a goal weight, or just work for feeling good about myself when I look in the mirror? I've never been a girl who is about numbers. I just want to love the women I am through and through. I decided that this is my time to shine. I'm ready for this journey.

This is the dress that I purchased at Forever 21. I can wait
to get into this!!!

So I went to the mall yesterday and I've always loved Forever 21 clothes but I hate that I have to buy a size 2x in order to actually fit them. I did something that I would have never done before. I took a leap of faith and purchased a dress that I aspire to fit in by February 24, 2015. My anniversary. The size is large which would be my pre-pregnancy size before all of my kids.

I am the type that if I don't have a set date then I might fall off. I have a goal and I am excited to reach it. Today is September 22,2014 which means that I have 5 months and 2 days to get there. I am very optimistic. I believe in myself and that is the most important thing ever.

I didn't workout over the weekend. I cant even begin to front like I did. So I am counting today as day 1, week 1. I am fine with that. I hope that my journey will help someone else out. I love you all for reading.

Here goes nothing. Lets get it in!!!

Fit Journey

Day 2 Done!!!

Got it in today
I did my best by the way
Starting out I felt like I was struggling with it
But i pulled through and didn't call it quits
This journey is a new step for me
Eating clean more frequently
I'm so used to doing as I please
I forget the important things
Like health and longevity
in life that is....
I want to be able to run and play with my kids
At the park at the beach
anywhere that suits their needs
It is my goal to lose weight and get fit
I wont allow myself to lay down and rot in a pit
You will see me everyday giving it my all
Girl Imma look fly when I walk through the mall
No one can bring my down or make me stop
I am the only one and I'm climbing to the top
Just give me a few months to get where I want be
You want to join in this journey
Come tag along with me
Here goes nothing
or maybe here goes everything
You will never know unless you try
I'm ready, fat its time to go BYE BYE....

I tried to do a little something different today with my blog. I hope that you all enjoyed it.
I love you for reading...
See you tomorrow!!!

This journey

Why continue to put off getting fit? Laziness, no determination, no will power. There are so many

Fresh after my T-25 workout!!!

reasons. I am not willing to continue on this path of feeling and looking horrible. I have others that depend on me everyday. If I am not at my best how can I help them to be their best? It cant be done.

I am starting my journey starting today. 09/18/2014. Its my time to get in the best shape of my life. I am committing myself to a fitness challenge with my favorite You Tuber GabeandBabeTV. Starting today I restarted T-25 and this time I am fully committed to the program and my well being.

I don't know exactly what each day is going to bring, but I am not giving up on "ME". As a person that battles every day with anxiety and panic attacks I've learned working out helps for me. I'm not saying that it is going to be easy at all, but I do know that the only person that can stop me is me. Joining Gabe and many other strong beautiful women is definitely a  plus for me. I need an accountability group that will make sure I don't fall off.

If any of you are looking for motivation and need that extra push I recommend you checking out Gabe's journey. It has made me look at life much different. If she can get it in we all can too. She is a full time mom and full time you tuber, not to mention a full time amazing wife. We can all learn a lot from her and her beautiful family.

After Logan!!!

Today is the day, and I am excited. This is a journey not only for me, but my wonderful husband is doing it too. I am very excited for our health.  Shawn has been having a lot of high blood pressure issues and I alot of dizziness associated with stomach issues. It is time to fell better and look better.

Here it goes everyone. 1...2...3... Blast off!!! I love you all for reading.

I am being realistic in my goals. This round of T-25 I am not going to look for just numbers. I want to feel good and look good. Not based on a set number.

Starting weight:207 pds
Goal:175
Time Frame:As long as it takes. I am not giving up

Check out Gabes journey!!!
http://youtu.be/hUWwahcstXE?list=PL4zuarGuHzGJKAoo_nvv9nG1Tk2Pi1-EJ

I love it

The joys of being the mother to 3 beautiful children are really starting to show now. It amazes me how when I sit here in front of my computer all i can do is pour my heart out at how amazing these kids are. Yes they may act out at times, but they are kids. MY KIDS..

Yesterday as me and Riri were doing her homework, she asked "mom can we go to the playground"? I said "Yes". She reached over to grab me and gave me a big hug and whispered "you are the best mom ever"!!! How my heart just melted. I was having a bad day because i wanted to go to California but didn't want to drive by myself with 3 kids. So i could not go. I wanted to surprise my little cousin for her baby shower., but it is a fail. My daughters were so sad Sariah even started to cry about it. I felt horrible. When she said I was the best mom ever, it made it all better.

Putting Logan down for his naps are starting to get hard. He is really starting to fight me on laying down (unless he is just so worn out he falls asleep on his own). Well, the one thing that actually works to get him to sleep.... is me singing. Yes, i said singing (and i cant even sing, lol). I am not sure if it is the fact that i sing so bad that knocks him out, or if it is the fact he just likes his mommy's voice. Whichever it is, he absolutely loves it. He is out like a light with in seconds. It is the cutest thing ever.

So the other day on Tuesday me and my mom went to K-Mart with Kamille and Logan because Sariah was at school. K-mart always seems to carry the "whats in style now", for little kids. My girls are obsessed with two things. Sofia Grace and Rosie and American Girl Dolls. Well long and behold the moment that we walked in to the store there was dresses (which are Kamilles favorite). She picked it up and noticed it was a "Sofia Grace and Rosie dress, she immediately asked if she could get it. I said "no" because she has one to many dresses already. So we come home and the more i think about it, I feel like she deserves to have it because Sariah got so many new clothes and Kamille didn't. So i told Shawn about the dress and he said just get it for her if you want. So the next day we go and take her to K-Mart, she was so excited you should have seen her light up like a glow worm. She said "mom, i love it and you are the best". Ahhh my kids really know how to make me feel all warm inside.

I am so lucky to have these three beautiful amazing children, I get to call "MINE"!!!

Book, books and more books.

Who loves doing things with your kids? I know I do. How about doing things that they will love that cost you absolutely nothing? Even better right? Yes!!! So, I am pretty sure that I have mentioned this once or twice, but me and my girls love going to the library. Especially during school time., but since I spend probably way too much money on books and right now is saving time to buy our house, I figured why not head out for a morning trip and explore our new library (its not new to the city, but since we are new, it is new).

Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen (if any men read this). When I tell you that this library blew me away from the moment that I walked in. Honey I didn't want to leave, 38 books later.

I am going to tell you exactly why I am in love. Over the last 25 years of my life I have been to numerous amounts of library's, and have never found one that has baby (0-18 months) books. I mean a full section dedicated to them. Okay! The icing on top of the cake: During the week activities for free just for them.

How exciting? I know, I am probably a little to geeked up, but when I tell you that one of our family favorite things to do is read. I am not joking. If I have $10.00 left to my name and my kids want a book, I would buy it. That is how crazy we are about books.

This library had the sections, sectioned out into easy reading to full on chapter teen reading. I mean beginner sections, baby sections, first grade, second grade and so on and so forth. They offer homework tutoring for all grades. How great is that? They also do story time during the week for different ages. Also are hosting healthy cooking for children with the college.

I am so excited to go back next time and get more books. Moms and dads if spending money on books is not something you can afford (because let me be honest they are expensive) check your local libraries. I am sure they have activities as well. Just ask the clerk for a calendar, and ask about activities for the kids.

If you have a busy schedule and cant go during the week they usually will have 1 on the weekend.

Its crazy because thinking back on my baby showers, I wish that I would have got books. They are so sentimental. You can use the inside cover as a card with a message to the little blessing (the baby) that will one day be old enough to read and cherish. Whenever I buy a special book for my girls, I write a personal message to them about the reasoning behind the book. Its just a little something that can go along way. (Leah, I hope you will enjoy this one, love you).

Love you for reading!!!

Needing me.

As Sariah is about to enter into first grade I feel like my baby is leaving mommy. I am afraid that she

may not need me the way I want her to need me. These kids are growing up so much faster and maturing more than I can even remember when I was little. I so needed and wanted my mom in first grade. To be honest I didn't care about getting prepared for school.

Let me tell you why I feel like this. So Sariah will be starting school in about 20 days and we have been school shopping for her clothes, shoes and supplies. Well, when I was younger I cant remember even having an opinion about what my mom bought for me. I didn't really care. Lol. Times have so totally changed. My 5 year old, beautiful little girl sure has an opinion and she is not afraid to tell you if she doesn't like the things that you do.

We went to the mall and she wanted to choose everything out. She has great taste I have to say, but she doesn't understand price. Too funny. So we were able to narrow down what she wanted and got them. Choosing her shoes were so much harder, because I am very picky with the kind that she buys. Have you seen some of these shoes that are being made now? Ugh!!!

I didn't want her to buy red colored chucks because I honestly just don't like them, but I let go and let her get them. This summer her favorite color has been red, so Shawn and I let her get the color that she wanted. Even though she doesn't really own any red clothes. I was having a conversation with her and she was telling me that she needed all new clothes, shoes and she needed to have all the best supplies for school. Really? Where are they doing that?

I cant for the life of me understand what is getting into these kids. I just hope that as she goes into first grade and meets new friends that she wont forget about mommy. I am not trying to sound like I am overreacting but we only have our kids for a short amount of time and then before we know it they are all grown, and off to college. I really just want her to be my little baby forever.

Well here goes the count down till my baby goes off to school. Today is the 4th but, it is the end of the night so I am considering this to be 20 days till she is off to school.

Has anyone else felt like this?
Love you for reading. Thank you!

We are their superhero!!!

Have you ever felt like you aren't capable of being a great mother? Like you might fail them because

of the things that you have done in your past, or because you don't feel qualified enough. Having children is the one thing that people can give advice on, but in the end it is all trial and error.

Even now that I have been a mom for a while sometimes I still feel "can I do this and not mess these beautiful babies up"? With my attitude that I am working on everyday, I worry. I pray that they don't have the same type of attitude I have. We are the person the look up to just like their favorite superhero.

I know that my mouth has got me into a whole lot of trouble and I don't want that for them. Making sure that they don't see me getting in to it with people is a big deal to me. I am learning that control is the key to making sure it doesn't happen.

I get so scared with all these crazy folks that are in this world. We send are kids to school to get the best education they can get, and not to be hurt. Sariah and I were talking the other day and she told me that she didn't know if she wanted to go to first grade because she was nervous about the kids. Also she is worried that the teacher wont teach her anything. It is time for superhero mom to the rescue.

That is something that I am worried about all the time too. I think as a mom we always worry about the little things. Am I going to mess them up? Is this world so messed up that it might interfere with my children way of life?

I want more then anything in this world to always protect them, but I know that all I can do is make sure I teach them the ways of the world. As I am getting ready to send Sariah to school in the next couple of weeks I am making sure that I teach her, right and wrong.

Never again will I allow for her to get beat up and think that if she fights back that she will get in trouble with me. My poor little girl thought because the teachers say "If you fight or touch someone else, you will have to flip a card. Also you will be a bad kid." that she couldn't defend herself. Not ever will this happen.

It is very important that no matter what age you sit down with your kids and explain to them the importance of self defense, and bullies. They are in every school people. Don't be naïve and think that your child is safe.

As a mother it is are job to lead and protect. Make a difference and talk everyday with your kids. It will help them in the end, and make you feel more capable to be their mom. Having an open door policy with them is key to great parenting. After all we are their superhero mom.

If you don't have an open door someone else will. Not a good look, nor is that the safest thing in todays world.

Thank you for reading and I love you all.

Put them first!

Right, and even if you are 21
it does not make it right!!!

Do you dedicate yourself to work, friends, or something that you love to do? If you can answer "yes", then why are you not dedicating yourself to your children. I see a lot of mothers that I went to school with, and all I see is them partying. I cant for the life of me understand how you can have children and expect that your life isn't supposed to change even a little.

Your mom/ dad or even your grandparents didn't make the choice to have those babies. You did. Okay so maybe you feel like "I wasn't ready to become a mother"., but honey reality is you are a mother. You have to stop thinking selfishly. It is time to take care of those responsibilities .

Not everyone should be!!!

I am not saying roll over and die. No ma'am, but I a saying take care of your damn kids and stop clubbing and spending your last to get all done up. I have a right to my opinion and I am can express it how I feel. If this hurts someone I will not apologize for it.

As a women that takes care of her children faithfully with a mommy me time date here and there I have the right to say "you are being wrong and selfish". Now what I am about to say might hurt so brace yourself. If you cant handle the truth you might want to leave now.

I see a great deal of women shopping for themselves and going to the hair and nail shop, to get all beautiful for a few hours out on the town. While your kids sit at home with only bread, peanut butter and jelly for dinner. No new clothes or shoes to wear, but the hand me downs someone gave you. I cant understand.

Now you may be saying "my kids got clothes, shoes and a lot of food". Okay then how about one better. Your kids at home being raised by your parents. You think that when they get older they aren't going to remember? That is something that they will be throwing in your face later on in life when you try to discipline them.

You may think partying is only for right now, but honey let me tell you "your kids will only be small once, and all these memories that you are missing out on you can get them back".

Stop being self absorbed and think about those innocent babies. They need you more then you could even know. Moms are so special to children. I see how my girls look at me and it melts my heart. They lean on me for direction, clean clothes, food and so much more. I couldn't even fathom allowing someone else the opportunity to take care of my girls and my son.

I look forward to waking up in the morning and making breakfast for the girls (even though I hate cooking breakfast). It is a time that I cherish. I love hearing what they dreamed about. It takes me back to when I was innocent and nothing in this world mattered to me but my mom. It is amazing. To live life through the eyes of your kids.

Take the time to evaluate yourself. I am not checking your pocket books, but you should. Materialistic things wont buy your kids love. Time is the only thing that will get you that indescribable love only your kids can give you. They aren't judging you by the clothes you have, the nails you wear and the hair you buy. Come on ladies, its time to step it up and put those kids first....

Thank you for reading. I just needed to vent. I had to get this off my chest. I feel so bad for these babies. Love you all.

Do you!!!

"I need a break from the kids, I just want some me time". Can anyone else relate to this? I am almost

I took some time for myself, and I enjoyed
every moment. Tamar and I at her concert.
Meet and greet baby!!!

sure that every mom goes through this. I see a lot of people asking me questions about not losing themselves. Well I believe that the one way is to definitely have some mommy me time.

Some moms are scared to take a few hours to themselves. I am not saying that you need to leave the country and go away for a week. Just a couple of hours away will do you some good. I know that I like to take a trip to the nail shop and then to Barnes and noble. That is me though. There are so many things that you can do in a short amount of time that will take you away from all the madness going on at home. Yes I did just say madness.

When your house looks like a tornado went through it, and the kids are screaming at each other and fighting. When your husband seems like he has a stick up his ass. It is time to do something for you. You deserve it. You are the glue that holds the family together so why shouldn't you go out and take your mind away for a second?

Since moving away from my friends and family I have only done a few things for me. My most favorite thing was going to Tamar Braxton's concert. Yes, I went by myself and had the time of my life. I notice that having kids has given me the courage to step out on my own. Something that I would have never done back home if I didn't have kids.

I am starting to find "Myself". This is something a lot of moms struggle with. Your whole identity is not "mom". Don't ever forget that. That is only apart of who you are, not a whole. Once you can look in the mirror and recognize this then you will finally be able to set a side a day and time for just you.

For me it is hard because I stay at home with the kids and Shawn is always working to provide for our family, but if he is home for the day mommy is stepping out to do her. I don't do clubs because I don't like to be around a bunch of ignorant people that can only seems to express themselves because they have been drinking. Now I am not judging those of you that like the club, but this momma say "No Thank You".

If you don't feel good about yourself and know who you are, how can you teach your children to find who they are? It is impossible. We give so much of ourselves that we end up losing "us". It is time to take some of "you" and treat it with love and care. I say "date yourself".  Get all done up and do you. Stop worrying about what others will think and say. Who cares?

As a mom we are superheroes in our own right. Even superheroes need a break. Remember if mom isn't happy, then no one is happy. Enjoy the women that you are. Hit up the nail shop, spa or take yourself to a movie. Although, why hide all that sexy in the dark, okay!!!

I love you all for reading. I hope this helped someone.

Building memories one day at a time.

One thing that is so very important to me is making memories with my kids. If I don't then who will? Our time here on this precious earth is not guaranteed. God forbid anything were to happen I want there to be pictures and memories built of our family.

My girls like some of the most simplest things in life. Just taking a drive down to the strip and walking through the hotels, makes them happy, as does it for me. We enjoy the beautifulness of the figuring's and gardens throughout. Also they have some of the best shopping as well.

Yesterday we decided to go walking through what I think is truly a  magnificent hotel. The Wynn. I mean the view of the waterfall, and the flower garden inside is so breathtaking. My girls kept asking to take pictures. Yep, they are definitely mine.

After which we went across the street and walked around the best mall on the strip (like one that

regular people can afford, lol). My girls were so excited to watch the fashion show that they do in the center of the mall. They said " We want to do that as well". Whatever they want they can have if they put their minds to it.

I am so in love with these moments between us. Making memories is a must and as a family it is something that I cherish and keep close to my heart. When I was younger we didn't have much money, I mean my mom raised 4 kids on her own, but what I remember the most is going to the mall with my mom and eating lunch with her. I loved getting on the bus and heading out to the Cerritos mall. It was a favorite thing of mine.

I also remember going to amusement parks as a whole family, which never has happened since I have had children. My whole family doesn't do things together usually. It is okay though because my girls will build family memories with us.

Since moving away from everyone and everything we have ever known I have been making sure to keep my girls spirits up. I don't want them to ever be sad that our family is miles away. I am glad that we have each other, and we will continue on with building special moments that we one day will look back on.

Today we are going to head out with my brother and his wonderful kids and fiancée. They are in Vegas for a few days, so let more memories be built. 

Need help

That moment you've tried everything and it seems as though your kids still don't

listen. It is so hard, because I've tried it all and still they aren't listening. No this doesn't make me a bad mother, it makes me " a mother".

 

Sariah and Kamille seem to be working in cahoots with one another. I cant for the life of me figure out what it is I can do. I feel like I've tried everything. I have went through all their toys and got rid of a bunch. I take away their DS games. No Netflix, ipad or any electronics. It doesn't phase them.

 

Now im sure a few are thinking "just whoop them girl". Only if that worked. Some children don't care about a getting whooped. That would be mine. Being whooped doesn't always help, trust me. I know a few that used to get their behinds whooped and they are not better off than before.

 

So what is left to do? They are 4 and 5 years old. I cant make them do standards they wouldn't understand why. I can make them do community service because they are to little. So, what is left?

 

Has anyone else had this issue and overcome it? Please let me know. I know that I cant be the only one that is experiencing this.

 

I don't feel incapable of punishing them. I just feel like what I am doing is not working anymore. They are very strong headed girls. I cant be mad at that because so am I. I wasn't the best child and we all know that.

Listening was not my forte. So if anyone had any suggestions that might help, please let me know. Thank you everyone.

"YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

From the moment you think "I might be", to the moment you find
out "I am" "You are a mother". Even if you never heard the heart beat "You are a mother". Just because you didn't get to feel their kick "You are a mother". Even though you never will get to take them home, "You are a mother". So what you had to give them up for adoption "You are a mother". If you didn't get the chance to watch them grow because they got their angel wings earlier than expected "You are a mother". Its okay you had to play mommy and daddy. "You are a mother".

"I am looking forward to seeing the kind of person my son will be. His little personality and his little smile. I am a mother".

"I hate the teenager years, the mood swings, the "mad"itudes for no apparent reason. I am a mother".

"They are my motivation to pull through in life. I am a mother".

"I hate that because I have spoiled them rotten that when I say I don't have it, they don't understand. I am a mother".

"I love the unconditional love that each kid gives to me. I am a mother".

"I hate that I cant protect them from the pain and hurt in the world. Having to let them make their own mistakes. I am a mother".

Regardless of your situation "you are a mother". Some say that if you don't
physically have the child you are not. I say other wise. I celebrate each and everyone of you today. "You are a mother".

"I love the thoughtful things my children do/say without being asked. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to the dark thoughts I know will come at night. That I am not able to be the mommy I want to be. I am a mother".

"I love that becoming a mother exposed me to the world of holistic health care. I am a mother".

"I hate mommy wars. I am a mother".

"I love the simple joy that my daughter finds in life, like bubbles and flowers. I am a mother".

"I hate the first trimester of pregnancy. All the sickness its awful. I am a mother".

In life we have obstacles. Some that are easy and some that we really have
to work hard to overcome. Becoming pregnant is one of those obstacles. For some there mere thought of a baby gets them pregnant. That isn't the case for everyone. Some may never get to experience the joys of motherhood through the womb., but by adoption. "You are a mother".

"I love the immediate indescribable love you feel for your kids. I feel it most at night while rocking mine to sleep. I am a mother".
"I hate that I cant ever give up. It is especially hard when I have so much going on in life and I cant deal. I am a mother".

"I love seeing my child apply something that I taught. I am a mother".

"I hate that my kids are old enough to make their own decision and I have to accept them, even though I know the are making a mistake. I am a mother".

"I love that when I am down and out and thinking negative thoughts about leaving this place, just thinking about my kids saves me. I am a mother".

"I am not looking forward to my post-partum body. I am a mother".

Being a parent is a different experience for everyone. Sometimes we get pregnant and we don't feel like it is our time to become a mother. We aren't ready. We think about "do I keep it, get rid of it, what am I going to do"? Adoption becomes an answered pray to some family. "You are a mother".

" I love seeing her every morning and every night just smile at me. I'm finally a real mommy, and it's such a great feeling. I am a mother".

"I hate that he is so far away and there is nothing I can do about it. I never regret my decision to place him for adoption, but sometimes I wish circumstances had been different when he was born so I could have him now. I miss him so much, and there will always be something missing in my heart, but I know I gave him the world. Had I kept him, he probably wouldn't be in my custody now. I am a mother".

"I love watching my son grow. Watching him reach milestones and seeing his personality shine through. I am a mother".

"I hate I feel like I failed my daughter, because I picked a man wouldn't be my husband or a father to her. I am a mother"."

"I am looking forward to breastfeeding. I know it is going to be difficult, but I want to bond/connect and look into her eyes. I am a mother".


"I hate people questioning my parenting especially when I didn't ask for an opinion. I am a mother".

Just because things didn't play out the way you wanted you haven't failed. Sometimes life gets in the way. We do things we aren't proud of, and make choices we soon regret. "You are a mother".

"I love that we will always be a family despite our situation. I am a mother".

"I hate the anxiety that comes with motherhood. I constantly doubt myself, am I doing everything right. I am a mother".

"I love spending time with my daughter, watching her grow and blossom into the young lady she is. I am a mother".

"I hate feeling alone with our kids even though I have a husband home. I am a mother".

"I love that I am able to witness her many talents. She bring joy and
happiness to my heart. I am a mother".

"I hate my pregnancies are so hard that I never get to enjoy them. I am a mother".

     Psalms 127:3 

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

No matter how you were blessed with them, they are your gifts. Love them and cherish the moments you have together. It may get rough, you may lose sleep. But, their are women dying to have the opportunity to become a mother. Don't take it for granted.

No one may ever tell you this but only once a year, and to me that is not enough. We moms are under appreciated. From one mother to the next I will celebrate you and this wonderful thing we get to call motherhood. Lets make a difference in the world. Not judging each other but uplifting one another. I love you all and believe in you. No matter what circumstance you are in or have been in.
                                                             "YOU ARE A MOTHER"!!!

 

 

 

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Thoughts in our head!!!

Why cant I do everything like her? She really seems to have it together. Dang, she even has more kids than me. What is going on with me. Am I even fit to be their mom?

I saw this after writing my blog, and
said yes this is totally for my blog.

Sometimes as a mom these thoughts can enter your mind, even if you wont admit. Which lets face it most of you wont. You cant even admit when your frustrated for the fear of someone judging you. I say judge away if you want, it makes me no difference.

I am so far from being "the perfect mom", but I honestly don't want to be quote on quote perfect. I love being who I am. Human. I feel everything from pain, hurt to sadness as well as joy, happiness and love. Some turn those feelings off. I love being in touch with my emotions because it allows me to be a better mom to my kids.

When they are hurting, I hurt, and when they are happy, I am happy. Me and my children are in sync with one another. Which is very important to me. I can tell at the drop of a dime when something is not right with them. I don't even have to hear them cry or see their faces down and out.

Paying attention to their body language and they way they eat is a big part of knowing if something is wrong or not. Never for a second should you second guess the decisions in life you make. Most of the time your first instinct is usually right on point. Lets be honest, if you are second guessing yourself why wouldn't the world?

Just because someone seems like they "have it together", doesn't mean they are even close. People it is called great acting skills. God made us all different, no two people are the same. He didn't do that by mistake either.

We are designed to handle situations different and children different. That way we can intervene with help if something isn't working out for a friend or family. I love to get advice from seasoned folks. Now let me elaborate.

Please don't give me your unsolicited advice if I haven't asked. That can make the situation at hand way worse. If I do come to you please know it is because I really and truly would appreciate your help. Moms stick firm to this. Don't allow people to make you feel bad and less than. If you don't want the help let them know in a respectful manner.

A lot of times mother to mother, we over step our boundaries. You can lose family and friends for this. It isn't our place to judge someone, when half of the time we probably don't even have half of or shit together. Just being honest.

Don't doubt yourself. God saw fit for you to be the mom to your child/children. He is never wrong. So pull up your big girl panties and your mom cape, and rule the world. Okay well your household world. LOL. Hope you have an amazing day.