"BOOM"!!!

Have you ever wondered "where would I be if I didn't have my kids"? I know it is something that

always ran across my mind. Growing up and hanging out with the wrong type of people always had me second guessing everything that ever happened to me. I never knew if the decisions that I was making were the right ones. I still can vividly remember one night hanging out with some friends. I was so stupid to have got in the car because the driver was going off crazy because he had been drinking, but I didn't want to be left alone. So I got in and we drove maybe 10 minutes away  (which is far when the driver is irate and drunk). He wanted to shoot someone. I for the life of me don't know why, but the fact I was there had me terrified. When we got to are location we all exited the car. My friends were telling the driver put your gun away. You aren't going to shoot anyone. Just put it on safety and lets go.  At first he was against putting the gun away trying to pick a fight with the people around the neighborhood. Now if your from the East side of Long Beach you know fighting and guns are the norm. Sad but true.

At this point we are about to walk in an apartment complex so they told him again "put the gun on safety". As he pulled the gun out all we heard was "BOOM", next thing I knew my forehead was bleeding and I didn't know why. I knew hadn't been shot, but still I didn't understand why I had blood dripping down my face. When we got in the apartment, my ears were still ringing, almost deafening. I had a cut from the bullets shell, it literally ricocheted off of my forehead. It was scary but thank the Lord above it wasn't the bullet. Still doesn't make it any better though. That was the moment I woke up and realized this is not the life for me.

Only a short year later did I find out that I was pregnant with my first (my Angel in heaven). I was young but still I felt like maybe now my life would have purpose. I was excited to be becoming a  mother. Just as soon as I found out I felt like it had been ripped from me. The hardest thing to experience. I went on working and still spending quality time with my honey. I knew he was the man that I wanted to marry. Some may think "you were too young to know what you wanted", but child let me tell, "when you know you know".

5 months later I learned that God had given me another chance to be a mom. I was pregnant with Sariah. I cant lie and say that I was 100% excited because I was scared to death the whole time even up till the day of delivery. I had heard so  many stories about people giving birth and the baby dies. I was horrified. Sep. 08, 2008 was the best day I had ever had. Even though I was in labor for 40 hours I still was excited. It wasn't till a few days later that I would understand the true meaning of being a parent.

Sariah had to go to the hospital for her jaundice and because she was gagging so much when she would sleep. My baby ended up being in the hospital for a week straight, and I never once left her side. That is what being a parent is about. Giving up the things you want for someone else. Protecting and providing that little being with everything in you. I finally knew what I was meant to do. Be some ones mother. I finally felt like my life was complete. I didn't know that only 5 months later I would be pregnant with Kamille. Double the blessing. It was hard I cant lie, but oh so rewarding. Kamille ended up in the hospital as well for jaundice. I didn't leave her side either, even though I had Sariah at home I had to be there with the newborn. Luckily she was only there for 2 days.

I went to school while pregnant with both, but decided that I was going to stay home and put off my dreams for a while. My kids came first before anything and anyone. I can always go back to school was my thought. If anything they would be my motivation to get an education. Kids don't hold you back they push you forward. In 2011 I decided that I would go back to school so I can get my foot in the door in the medical field. I went to UEI for Medical Assistant. I told myself that if I was going to go back to school and put my girls in a daycare, I would succeed with a 4.0 GPA and I would become the mentor of my class. I believe because I had my kids that is why I was able to achieve it all. I became the mentor of the class along with a really good friend, and I graduated with a 4.0 GPA.

My life had meaning now, and I was complete because of my children. It felt good. I didn't know but in 2014 God would give me one more, my last little Logan. When I say that my life has come full circle it really has. I could have ended up with a man that would cheat, beat my ass or even be in jail. Hell or 6 feet under. I thank the Lord for my kids because they allowed me to become a better person. Now when I sacrifice the things I want I know its for a good reason. I don't just have a baby daddy, I have a husband. I don't just have my kids every other weekend. I have them everyday. This is why we decided to move and get away from the area we grew up in. Long Beach will always be the place we grew up, but it isn't home. Home is

where my kids are.

"BOOM" was my wake up call!!!