My Journey through breastfeeding

Bonding is something that is very important to me as a mother. I always heard that breastfeeding is the best way to connect one on one with the baby. As a first time mother at 19 I didn't have many around that actually breastfeed their babies. Honestly I think I only had one friend. (Hey Brit Hey)... When I gave birth to Sariah I immediately knew I was not bottle feeding her. So on her little glass bassinet it said "no formula". I thought great this hospital is in compliance with what the mother says. Here was the problem the nurse I had was a you know what. In birthing class I was told that right when the baby is born they do skin to skin. I wanted my daughter to go right to the breast, but that didn't happen. I held her for like 1 min, if that and then the nurse took her from me. Shawn had left, my mom had left. I was all alone in a unfamiliar place without my baby on my breast. I believe over an hour had past and they still hadn't brought her to my room. Now I was frustrated. I called to the nursery and demanded they being her to my room. Do you know what they said "oh, we thought you would want rest". What they hell, no I wanted my damn baby. This hospital didn't offer a lactation specialist to come to help so if you can imagine I really felt alone.

Me and my first, Sariah.

I was so afraid that because I hadn't immediately started her on the breast my body wouldn't know its time to work. Colostrum come to mama... LOL. 1 week had gone by and I believed that I was doing well in the breastfeeding department. Sariah had ended up in the hospital for jaundice, choking and gasping for air. She was there for a week. I never left her side. While she was there I met with a lactation specialist and they told me I was doing great. They only came to check babies weight and make sure that she was gaining while eating. She was. I left feeling great about a week or so of her being in there. Two weeks later I noticed that she was more fussy always seeming to want to feed. So I started pumping out to see how much I was producing. To my surprise hardly anything was coming out. I didn't read on it, I didn't have anyone to talk to so I right away gave her a formula bottle. She has been the most content since birth. I gave up because I didn't have enough.

The next time around with Kamille I said " I got this, I know what to do this time". She was born and I was so excited to put her on the breast and start bonding. Now a little side note, just because I

Kamille on my 21 birthday.

wanted to bond through breastfeeding, that is not the only way. Actually skin to skin is the best form of bonding. Trust me not everyone is meant to breastfeed and I know that. If you can great and if you cant you are still a wonderful mother in my book. Okay now back to my breastfeeding journey. After they get you all cleaned up and situated I asked for the baby to put on the breast, now the nurse said she wouldn't latch because she was just born, I thought yeah okay. I think I know better she is my baby. Kamille latched on right away. Never had any lack of supply with her. About 5 weeks in I noticed that my breast was tomato red and engorged so bad I was nearly in tears. I took the hot shower and massaged them, I applied hot compress to them nothing worked. I went in to my Ob/Gyn and found out that I had a very bad case of mastitis. I didn't know why. I fed her every two hours and pumped as well. Come to find out Kamille had thrush. So I stopped breastfeeding while taken my meds, because you could give the baby the milk with medication in it. I never stopped pumping though. Kamille's thrush was gone and so was my mastitis. I put her back on, and again the same thing happened. My OB told me to stop breastfeeding her.

I was furious I wanted to breastfeed my kids. Not because of these people that say "studies show your baby is smarter if you do", but because I truly wanted to breastfeed them. It was very hard on me emotionally to have to stop.

I found out that I was pregnant again with little Logan now you think one that had such a hard time

Logan and daddy when
he was sick in the
hospital.

breastfeeding wouldn't even attempt to try at it again. Wrong. I knew I was going to breastfeed him. I went out and bought books (my fav. womanly art of breastfeeding), and did internet research. Used up YouTube for videos. I had this. Little man was born and right to the breast he went. He stayed there for an hour to my surprise. I was so excited. He had a great latch and was around the clock at my breast. Day 3 my milk was all the way in. Little man had jaundice just like my other two. The difference was that this hospital didn't allow any breast milk to be given to the child while under the lights. I had to pump which let me tell you is not the same. To me the pump hurts and is not comforting like holding your child. My milk was doing great still. I could pump out 6 oz. out even after he fed. I was a mommy milk making machine.

Around 3 months I started to notice a dip in my milk supply. He was very uneasy and hungry. I felt so bad for him. Formula was not an option I kept telling myself. He started to become much more unhappy so I had no choice. We had moved and I continued breastfeeding him but he wouldn't latch on for long enough to get a full feeding. I was pumping more than him being on the breast. I went to my whole foods and bought some supplements for producing more milk. I came home took it, and had the worst reaction ever. My blood sugar dropped, my throat itched I was hot and tingly. Just a mess. I stopped the product (it worked thought, lol) it wasn't worth my health. I wrote the company and did research on the product. I guess fenugreek drops your blood sugar, and blessed thistle can cause allergic reactions. Wow all because I wanted to produce more milk. So I sat and pumped ever 2 hours on the hour, downed water all day long, ate oat milk and still nothing. I was not even making 3 oz. a day people. I read that malt liquor (beer) helped. So I tried, that was so nasty, and it didn't work for me just an FYI.

My journey has been hard all three times, but the fact that I tried is all that matters to me. I still am pumping each day because I plan on making his baby food. The breast milk is great to use as the liquid in the food. Also he can drink the milk still while using formula. Its not easy but I wouldn't have traded the moments with them at my breast for anything in this world. Remember everyone's journey is different.