Graduation, A loss and a new beginning.

 "Yeah, we did it". Here comes the class of 2007 is all that I could think as I was sitting in the chair getting ready. As I walked across the stage to get my diploma (the fake one they give you) I held back the tears from my fellow companions. My heart was beating at a million miles an hour. I honestly was nervous to be in front of everyone. Go figure I went to a performing arts school for acting. Something about that day in particular was just so special to me. It was exciting.

 

A week later after graduation I noticed some changes in me. I was very fatigued and had very bad cramps, none like I have ever had before. Now, I was only 18 at the time so as you can probably imagine I was scared to take a pregnancy test. My body was letting me know that I was before I even peed on the stick. 6 test later I believed it. I WAS PREGNANT!!! 

 

I was overly excited I just couldn't keep it in, I had to tell everyone. I was about to become a mother. Or so I thought. I had just graduated from high school, and now I was pregnant. I can remember the day very vividly. I went to the park and had to go to the restroom so bad, but the park didn't have a restroom. We left and went to the nearest store. Oh, how I was relieved that I had made it, to only find that I was bleeding. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest.  We hurried to the nearest hospital only to be told you have to wait in the waiting room, if you are losing the baby there is nothing that we can do for you.

 

I was so heartbroken. How can they have no heart? It didn't get any better. After spending all evening and late night in the hospital and countless ultrasounds they told me everything would be alright they saw the sack of the baby. If I saw more blood to come back. The night had past and the morning had come. I still was bleeding.  Back to the hospital I went. Only to be told the same thing again. I had to wait.

 

I prayed and prayed that everything was going to be alright with my baby that I had just found out I was going to be a mother too. A few hours later the doctor came in to let me know that the baby sack had diminished and was no longer there. My world had stopped. How was this going to affect me and my love? What would I tell everyone that I told? I was so confused as to why this happened to me.

 

I went on trying to keep it together for the sake of those around me. Dying inside everyday. The holidays had came and went and I was dreading the month of  February because that was the month my baby would have been due. It was the end of December and I had just came back from San Francisco. A well needed vacation with my cousin and his best friend. During vacation my cousin was joking about me being pregnant because I was tired and was late.

 

As soon as I got home I went straight to the store and grabbed a handful of pregnancy tests. I came home scared but also excited to take them. I took 1 and waited 5 minutes and sure enough there was two line. I took another and the same thing. After 5 tests I believed it... LOL. I was going to be a mother. This time I waited till 13 weeks before I told anyone.

 

The months flew by and before I knew it was almost time to meet my baby girl... Even after such a sad previous year, my life was starting to feel somewhat more meaningful. Having another baby never replaced the love that I had for that baby that I lost. I didn't know it before but miscarriage is very common. 1 in 3 women will have one. Think about it your sister, your friend and yourself. One would lose a baby. Not to say it would happen to you, but an example.

 

It was one of the hardest moments in my life but GOD, and my family got me through. Not a day goes past that I don't think about who that baby might have been today or who he/she would be in the near future. That's something that you just don't forget. I will always have a special place in my heart for that baby. RIP my angel. 06/2007

 

September 08, 2008 would change my life forever. The arrival of my first baby, My daughter Sariah Lanay Thomas... A new beginning in my life. It was just the start of motherhood. God would soon bless me with two more there after... December 03, 2009 Kamille Mallory Thomas and just recently March 22, 2014 Logan Richard-Hart Thomas... My family is complete.